I'm Fine (book 2)

Everything is Pointless

Robin and Nightwing were using the squat platform when Robin was squatting. Nightwing spotted him from behind as Robin got all of his reps. Nightwing took off some of the weight and hopped in after Robin. The weight itself wasn't challenging but on the third rep, Nightwing got to the bottom of the squat and felt a small shooting pain under his scar, which immediately dropped him to the ground before Robin could spot him.

"AGGHHH FUCK!!" Nightwing yelled in a mixture of frustration and pain as he laid on the floor with the loaded bar next to him.

"ARE YOU OKAY???" Robin shouted terrified trying to offer Nightwing a hand.

"Don't move me!" Nightwing stated calmly through gritted teeth. "My back surgery..." he said without moving a muscle, "Get Cyborg and Starfire now!" Nightwing directed as he stayed on the floor. Cyborg ran in with Starfire flying in behind him.

"I'm so sorry!" Robin kept repeating himself in panic while Cyborg stabilized and spine boarded Nightwing. They loaded Nightwing onto a rolling gurney and rolled him to the hospital wing for immediate X-rays.

While laying on the table, every possibility flashed through Nightwing's head: more surgery, paralysis, loss of motor function. His thoughts shifted to the consequences. 'Would be be able to walk Starfire down the isle?' 'Was this his retirement from fighting?' 'Could he play with their future kids?' His brain started to spiral down the rabbit hole when Cyborg came back out with the X-rays.

"All clear!" Cyborg shouted happily. "It might be a pinched nerve or a gnarly muscle spasm?" He suggested but was surprised when he wasn't met with the same enthusiasm.

"How?" Nightwing muttered while gingerly suiting up. He grimaced with pain, looking a little lost. "That felt bad!" Nightwing stated trying to place his confusion.

"Well, there's nothing bone-wise, which is a really good sign! Let's roll you over and take a look." Cyborg helped Nightwing onto his stomach and examined his back. He found the source of his pain in his left side of his lower back and determined it to be a muscle spasm or even mild tear. He prescribed Nightwing a heavy muscle relaxer and scheduled him for physical therapy the next day. Once the muscle relaxer kicked in, Nightwing stumbled to his room to sleep.

Nightwing's sleep was anything but restful. His back aches through the medicine and the previous thoughts that entered his mind in the X-ray, also took over his dreams:

Nightwing was laying down in a bed of green grass with a blue sky above him. Starfire' laid next to him in a lavender silk dress, holding his right hand. Slowly she sat up but he couldn't follow, unable to move, as if glued to the ground. Starfire got up silently, watching him with a grin. She beckoned him to rise with her fingers before turning to fly away but again, he couldn't move. Suddenly it got dark, as if the sun was setting out of view. The grass rose around him, growing quickly until it started to wrap around him. Feeling a gripping sensation, he began to panic, trying to writhe out of its clutches to no avail. The grass pulled him down into the dirt where he couldn't breath. Soil filled his mouth and nose until...

Suddenly, Nightwing snapped up in his bed gasping for air but was met with the searing pain in his back from the jolt. He lowered himself down into the sheets as the pain triggered his eyes to water slightly. Nightwing took deep breaths to calm himself until he realized he was not alone. Raven opened the door and sat on the edge of his bed.

"So I take it our mind-link still works." Nightwing huffed out exhaustedly.

"Yup." Raven grumbled letting the irritation of her night with Beastboy being interrupted.

"You were busy weren't you." Nightwing whispered soaking in his guilt. He felt like such a nuisance at this point.

"Yeaaaaaah, but Beastboy will still be there when we are done." She offered with a monotone grin.

"Oh..." Nightwing suddenly realized what they were doing and felt his face burn in the dark room.

"So, you have a new fear of being buried alive or where did that dream come from?" Raven sassed flatly as Nightwing slowly sat up.

"I just...it's more the fear of being paralyzed... and also not knowing what comes after all of this?" Nightwing admitted.

"Yeah, I get that..." Raven trailed off.

"Whatever I do effects our future." Nightwing fidgeted with the edge of the blanket. "Outside of Damien, I'm the only one who's 100% human. I don't heal quicker, I don't have powers, and at a certain point, I can't be fixed!" After taking a deep sigh to pause and collect his thoughts, he continued, "I can't leave Starfire alone in this world. I've seen too much of evil for that." Nightwing whispered.

"Yeah." Raven whispered taking it all in. Seconds ticked by until Raven spoke softly, "What if I died? Or Star? Or shit, even Cyborg with a new baby? It could be any of us. It's what we signed up for. You could hold back in battle and by result, Starfire could get killed. Or maybe that's even outside of our control? Maybe, we die at a certain time, no matter what effort or who we save....? The point is, is there's no point at all!" Raven rambled for the first time ever.

"Shit, let's get a little too dark..." Nightwing chuckled quietly.

"But seriously, we don't know what's in the cards, so you might as well do what you need to do! Worrying about the order of events is pointless." Raven finished as she stood up. "Enjoy life, weather is paralyzes or doesn't, weather it kills you or doesn't...otherwise you'll waste it worrying about what might happen." She spoke as she helped him lay back into bed. She silently performed a healing spell on him as he took in her words before she left. Nightwing sat alone, thinking about life.