We Were Only Kids// McFly (Wonderland)

Unsaid Things

November 30, 2004 

Today is my 17th birthday, and the only thing I want is to be 18.

Over the past three weeks Lilly has been working for us, I've only been having feelings for her more and more, and I think it's pretty safe to say I have a full-out crush. God, I sound like a little kid saying 'crush'. I hate it.

I've tried to think about what Tom said, but every time I do, my mind quickly gets distracted and I start thinking about all the things I've started to notice about her. Like how some of her eyelashes are almost white-blonde, or how she has three freckles in a vertical line on her neck, or how she twists the skin on her hands when she's thinking (I think about holding them when she does to get her to stop), or how she taps her feet to the music of our songs when we practice, and I'm not even sure she notices.

But today, it's my birthday, and already, things aren't going great, because Lilly isn't even at rehearsal, and we were supposed to start playing ten minutes ago.

"Is Lilly coming today?" I ask Tom. I almost never talk about her to keep anyone from thinking I have feelings for her (even though I do), but I think this question is pretty neutral, and I have to know.

Tom opens his mouth to say something to me but doesn't because the studio door bursts open before he can and Lilly comes rushing in with a plaster on her forehead.

"I'm here! I'm so sorry I'm late." She puts her bag down and then walks directly up to me.

Oh. My. God. Breathe, Dougie. Breathe.

My heart is beating so fast I think it might explode and I can feel my face getting hot. Is it just me, or are the lights in here too bright?

"Happy birthday, Dougie." She smiles, and I realize, for the first time,  that she is holding a small cage. Inside is a tarantula.

This girl bought me a tarantula.

And look at that smile.

No, stop Dougie, stop looking at her if it's going to make you think this way. Instead, I look at her hands holding the cage. She bites only her pinky nails, I've noticed, so they're just a bit shorter than all her other nails.

"You found it!" Danny exclaims, smiling. What is he on about?

"Ew!" Harry says and takes a step behind Danny.

"Um...Lilly...why is it covered in...chocolate icing?" Tom asks, leaning closer to the cage in her hands. Lilly sighs, clearly distressed.

"I made this grand chocolate cake for all of you, but then I lost the tarantula and it was in the cake, but I was running late and I don't know how to wash a tarantula. I truly hope you like it though." She says, looking in my eyes.

I love it. And I love-

No!

Just take a deep breath. This was...very thoughtful.

"Why do you have a blue bandage on your forehead?" Harry asks from across the room. I didn't even notice him walk away.

"Long story." Lilly says, and I notice she's looking at Danny. Why is she looking at Danny? Does he know something I don't? What if she likes him?

Calm down, Dougie. You're getting ahead of yourself.

She gestures for me to take the cage, so I do and look at the tarantula inside. Wow. I wonder where she got this one. It looks good. I'll have to look into clues later to determine its approximate age. I wonder if I have any leftover food from my last tarantula. I look up at her.

Say thank you.

Say thank you

SAY SOMETHING

No. I can't. What if I start and I can't stop? What if she doesn't feel about me how I feel about her. I don't think I could take it. Not yet, anyway. I'm sure this feeling will fade once the newness of her being around us wears off, but right now, it's stronger than ever. I just need some time.

I walk to put the cage on the table. I'll have to figure out a way to thank her later. Maybe not in front of everyone like this. Maybe not in a way where I have to say anything at all. Ever. 

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