We Were Only Kids// McFly (Wonderland)

Anthology

September 29, 2016

When we all left the O2 Forum, we had Fletch drop us all off at my house (where there are no babies or wives to wake up) in order to catch up.

Lilly looks happy, but like something is bothering her. I assume it has something to do with her making a life-changing decision to stay in England in the past hour.

I realize, being around her is like being around an open flame. It's amazing because it's this grand part of nature and you think how did this get here on Earth? But, it's also terrifying.

As much as I'm glad the guys are here, I'm dying to talk to Lilly alone about...well...everything.

It's funny. I was thinking about her just before we went on stage tonight. I was thinking about that first McFly show on the first tour and how Danny split his face open and I barfed and Harry was a total piece of work and Tom fussed about us looking good and how somehow she managed to get us all out on stage. And then, I thought about all the tours that followed and all the dressing rooms and soundchecks and rehearsals and how she was there for all of it.

I thought of all the last minute changes that our crew begged us not to make because it was too close to a show to do something like that and how Lilly always convinced them we knew what we were doing (even if we didn't). I thought of all the times she let us lean on her shoulder on the tour bus after a show if we made a mistake. I thought of the life-changing moments- like the BRITs and playing The Royal Variety and The Royal Albert Hall and creating a whole new band and selling out tours and getting number one albums and singles and how she was always there. For all of it.

And then one day, she was gone.

And for this tour, though it was small, she had missed it all. And for some odd reason, that was something bigger than all the things she had been there for.

But then, like magic, today she came back. Because she is magic, I've decided.

It's two in the morning when I'm walking into my kitchen to get Danny a glass of water. He didn't ask for it, but he drank three beers and I can tell he'll need it, so I quickly stepped out without a word.

I grab a glass from my cabinet and fill it with water from the tap.

"Dougie?" I hear quietly behind me, and I spin around. A bit of water spills over the edge of the glass and onto the floor.

"Oh, hey," I say. It's Lilly. "What's up? Can I get you anything?" Stop rambling, stop rambling. I look down and casually rub the small puddle of water into the floor with my sock. Gross.

"I just wanted to talk to you for a sec." She says. "Alone." My heart beats faster.

"Oh, okay, yeah." I say. Can she hear my heartbeat? Can she see it in my throat? I feel like she can. It's awfully uncomfortable. I feel the blood rush to my ears and I silently thank the universe for making my hair grow long enough to cover them. I put the water down on the counter and lean against the sink. Does this look casual or do I look like a jerk?

She looks down at her hands and I observe her. Her hair is longer again, cut with shorter pieces around her face. A clip is holding some of it back, but after the long night, it's starting to escape a bit. Her eyes are the same deep blue that reminds me of the reserve in Texas. What was it called again?

Earlier, back at the venue, I noticed that the tooth next to her left front one still overlapped. That she had never bothered to get it fixed and I was glad. I've also payed close attention and noticed that her Bolton accent has faded a bit. It's still there but, much like Danny's, it's faded to sound a bit more southern. Her ears still sport the same one piercing she took me with her to go get all those years ago. I'm not even sure how many years it's been now.