We Were Only Kids// McFly (Wonderland)

Tomorrow Chasing

March 14, 2015 

I'm in a pub in Notting Hill, and I'm about to break my best friends' hearts.

But I have to do this. I have to.

"This is perfect!" Harry says. "I mean, we've been waiting for this type of inspiration to hit us! And here it is! Straight out of McBusted and into album six! I mean, we've just written an album anyways with Matt and James. We can do it again!"

"I feel it, lads." Danny says, smiling, shaking his head. He looks to Tom, who's sitting next to him. "This is what we've been waiting for."

"So let's do it!" Tom says. "We get Fletch to book the studio for as soon as possible. Maybe next week, even."

"I'm in." Harry says, lightly hitting the table and leaning back.

"I'm there too." Danny nods.

"Yeah he's there, he's just ten minutes late." Harry laughs.

"I'm getting better!" Danny defends, but he's still smiling. I look up and see Tom looking at me. His smile has faded and my stomach flips. 

"Dougie?" Tom asks, a bit more hushed. "Is everything alright?"

"I-" I start. "I can't make it."

"Oh," Danny says. "Well, it is kinda a close call. We can wait for two weeks. Give us time to brainstorm anyway." He shrugs.

"No, I mean-"

I'm 15. I'm at the band house and Harry is teaching me to shave. I'm 16 and Tom takes me to the bank in his blue Mini Cooper to start my first savings account because he found the wads of cash all held together by rubber bands in my room. I'm 17, and Danny is teaching me to drive.

"I can't go," I say, looking away. "At all."

"Dougie-" Danny starts.

"I'm going to L.A." I say. "I've been taking acting classes and it's something I want to do. They say L.A. is the best place for it so...that's where I'm going."

We're all quiet for what feels like twenty minutes but is probably two.

"When?" Tom finally asks.

"As soon as I can." I say.

"But..." Harry says. "What about the band? I mean, we've been talking about this for a while Dougie. You could have told us."

"The band can still happen." I say.

"How?" Tom asks, and though I'm not looking at him, I can tell from his voice that he's genuinely confused and curious.

"Well," I start. "You can all go to the studio...without me."

"Dougie." Harry says. He sounds like he just wants to go home. I do too. "What is your plan? I mean, what are you even saying?"

"I'm saying...if you're doing the band right now...I'm out." I shake my head.

They're all silent again, and I don't want to be here anymore. For the first time in my life, I don't want to be around them anymore.

So I get up and walk out.

I start walking down the street quickly. As quickly as I can, and luckily it's not too crowded because it's a weeknight, so I don't have to push past people like a dick.

I hear the door to the pub open a bit away and I already know who it is.

"Leave me alone, Harry." I yell, still walking.

"I knew we were losing you." Harry yells back, and I can hear him walking quickly, so I pick up my speed a little. "I knew it at dinner the other night. Dougie- stop, Goddammit!"

"Go away." I spit over my shoulder.

"You're really going to do this?" He yells. "You're going to leave the band with no warning like that?"

"I just gave you a warning." I say. I'm getting angrier and angrier and I just want to get out of here. I hear him stop walking, and I almost think he's finally given up until I hear him yell again.

"What would Lilly think if she were here?" He asks, and I can hear the anger in his voice like he's a moody 18-year-old again. "She'd be horrified."

I stop walking.

I grit my teeth, and I almost cringe at the feeling of them grinding together. But I can't stop. Because I feel like if I open my mouth I'll just start screaming.

I turn around to face Harry. He looks pale. I don't think I've ever seen Harry look pale in his life. Even in the dead of winter or when he's sick, he's still always had some type of glow that I always assumed only someone like Harry could always have.

"It doesn't matter what Lilly would think because she's not here." I say. "And, NEWS FLASH, Harry! She's not our manager anymore!" Harry looks almost like he's about to cry, and for some reason unknown to me I don't care. "Get used to that feeling of losing her! It lingers!" I yell. "She's not here. And frankly, I don't give a damn what she would think in this hypothetical situation of yours! She left first!"

"Is that what this is about?" Harry asks, shockingly quietly.

"NO!" I yell at him. "It's about me! For once, Harry! It's just about me!"

And then I turn around and start walking again, and I am both immensely relieved and sharply in pain when I hear no footsteps trailing behind me.

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