Remnants of Our Drowned Love

Chapter 18

"My what?! Don't fucking tell me he just used the new one — no! Go to our house and check it!" Rinig na rinig ko ang sinasabi ni Olie habang may kausap sa kabilang linya, papalapit ako sa kaniya, hindi parin ako napapansin, inakbayan ko ito at sa gulat niya ay napahinto siya sabay siko sa tyan ko.

Gago. Masakit.

"Fuck! You scared me! Kala ko kung sino, 'wag ka kasing sulpot ng sulpot!" Imbis na mag-sorry ay pinalo niya pa ulit ako pero dahil naka-akbay ako at wala siyang bwelo ay hampas kuting ang nagawa niya.

"What's the matter?" Nguso ko sa phone niya. I have no idea kung saan siya pupunta, ako, papunta sa convenience store malapit sa office dahil unfortunately wala ang secretary ko sa office, wala akong mautusan at kapeng kape na ako sa totoo lang.

"Jerrick used my new car in NY — not that you know him."

"Sino 'yun?"

"My cousin! Wait! Saan mo ba ako dadalhin?! Kausap ko pa si — oh shit, hello??"

I grinned to myself when she realized na may kausap pa pala siya sa kabilang linya. It was Patricia, they're really close nga siguro. Balak niya pa sanang tanggalin ang pagkakaakbay ko ngunit binigatan ko ang braso ko.

Wala na siyang magagawa, gusto ko siyang akbayan.

The staff greeted us as we enter, mukang nagulat pa ang mga ito nang makita ako. Minsan lang kasi akong mapadpad dito and obviously they know me.

Tignan mo 'tong babaeng 'to, rito rin pala papunta kanina grabe pa kung mag-inarte. Habang hinihintay itong matapos sa pagbibili ay naupo ako sa customers table nila rito, munching my ice cream, wala kasing available na kape.

In normal days, hindi ko talaga napapansin ang paligid ko even if I'm not occupied with anything but now kahit may kinakain ako ay napansin ko parin ang dalaga at binatang nakapwesto malapit samin, nakaharap nga lang sila sa labas ngayon habang kami, nasa isang table.  They're quiet, parehas may water bottle sa harapan nila na mukang hindi pa nagagalaw, I can feel the tension between them, their cold war? I guess.

Olie sat beside me quietly, bahagya akong umusog, I want to ask her kung bakit umupo pa siya pero napansin ko ang cup noodles niya. That's not so healthy — kahit naman ang ice cream ko so mananahimik nalang ako upang hindi umingay rito at baka may magambala pa kaming iba...syempre 'yung dalawang teenager na ang tinutukoy ko dahil sila lang naman ang nandirito sa part na ito bukod sa amin.

At kami lang talaga ang customers.

Hindi pa nakakalahati ni Olie ang noodles niya nang marinig namin ang mahinang pagtatalo ng dalawa, not that we're prying, they're murmuring so I can't really understand anything, their whispered words were clashing until I noticed the guy was crying silently.

Olie and I looked at each other.

Tahimik lang na nakatingin sa labas ang babae. Noong una akala ko hindi umiiyak ang babae, akala ko wala siyang pakialam but then tear also slips down her face one at a time.

This is so... devastating to see.

Ilang sandali pa ay umalis na sila, naiwan kaming dalawa ni Olie at tila ba parehong napipe dahil sa nasaksihan, her noodles cold, my ice cream — ubos na kanina pa, functional parin naman ako kahit na gano'n ang nakikita, 'di tulad ng kasama ko.

"Heavy drama, I can feel their pain," Olie voiced, pinagpatuloy niya ang pagkain niya ng walang kahirap-hirap dahil medyo malamig na nga ito. "Sana all my closure."

Iniwan kasi basta-basta.

Gusto ko sanang sabihin kaso lang it's a bad joke baka ako pa iwan niya rito, I also slapped myself mentally for thinking of it, ang sama ko talagang kaibigan minsan, gustong-gusto makita 'yung kaibigan na masaktan.

"The girl cheated, I heard." Olie shrugged na parang wala lang, babawiin ko na ang sinabi ko, she's prying, at talagang naririnig niya pa 'yon? Hindi ko nga naririnig, eh! Grabe may pagka-chismosa pala siya.

I hand her the tissue before speaking my thoughts, I expressed, "Male or Female, both human, both can make wrong decisions, a fact."

She snorted, "They can always amend it and work things out."

"Scars will remain."

"Kaya nga they have to work things out even with all those scars if they really love each other."

Saglit kong nakagat ang ibabang labi ko. "Broken trust and scars don't recognize the word magic, baka nga hindi nila alam 'yon! It will take a long time to be healed."

Nakasimangot niya akong tinignan, napapailing at paulit-ulit na pinapatunog ang dila na tila nadismaya pa. "You're prideful."

I let out a humourless laugh. Ako prideful? Talaga! I tsked, "You're a little too...drowned by the thought of undying love to the point you're letting it cloud your judgment."

"Okay, support your argument, explain it." She nodded while waving her hand as if shooing me, napailing nalang ako, trying to recollect my thoughts about it, nawala kasi sa isip ko because what really runs in my head right at this moment ay kung gaano siya ka-open para sa topic na ito, for the topic she opposed, mahirap kasing magpaliwanag sa babaeng 'to dahil hindi niya pinapakinggan na nauuwi sa away, but now, wow.

Ilabas niyo ang kaibigan ko.

Inabot ko ang bottled water niya at ininuman, agad akong nakatanggap ng masamang tingin.

"I'll be direct, Olie, love isn't love without trust, faith, loyalty, patience, understanding — too many to mention — kapag nawala ang isa ro'n, you'll be hurt because of love." I looked at her. "You'll break because of love, when you're hurt there will be wounds, wounds turns to scars, both needs healing, and healing takes time to restore all those brokenness, those scars...you need healing for yourself to restore all these components of love that got broken in the process of loving someone, then finally you can try finding all the right reasons why you should fix that relationship of yours, and believe me, as long as you're fully healed no matter what the outcome is you'll be okay."

I exhaled, sa tingin ko hindi ako humihinga the whole time I was talking, eyes on hers.

From where did I get those, I don't know, maybe from my family, I have no experience in romantic love, it's just full understanding.

Napatitig siya sa akin, pero alam kong wala sa akin ang focus niya, she's thinking. Thinking deeply. I had to hold my breath again as she starts talking.

"Pero lagi kang masasaktan sa pagmamahal, Rue, kung palagi mong hihintayin kung kailan ka mag-hi-heal you might lose the one you love and regret it for the rest of your life." I was about to compare what we just said when she come up to a conclusion that made me smile, alam kong mas tama ang naisip niya, she continued, "But you have a point so it is up to us parin on how you weight the mistakes, the pain, and all the wrong decision we made — then decide whether you choose doing whatever the heck you just said or whatever the heck I just said — fuck we're being love guru's lets get out of here."

Nakagat ko ang ibabang labi ko.

I know I've learned something today that I'll forever carry, ang shitty but I thank those teenagers for making me realize things about love. And of course Olie for whatever the heck she said.

Nang makabalik sa opisina ay bumalik nanaman ang kapilyahan naming dalawa, we can't stop bantering and pissing each together off.

"Umalis ka nga d'yan!" Hinampas ako ni Olie ng hawak niyang papel na medyo may kakapalan, kapag may nalukot lang talaga doon talagang ipapaulit ko sa kan'yang i-print lahat 'yon.

"Hindi naman kita ginugulo ah?"

"You're distracting me, nakaupo ka pa sa harapan ko, your legs is distracting."

Napaawang ang labi ko sa tinuran niya, ang laki ng problema sa mundo, kahit anong ganda talaga ng mga naunang usapan lagi parin kaming mauuwi sa pagtatalo, may saltik ata 'to eh, bakit ko ba siya type?

Ah kasi Gemini.

Kidding.

*****