F̶o̶l̶l̶o̶w̶ Fuck the Rulebook - Kenma Kozume

Chap 32 - To confess or not to confess

Akasuki pushed open the door, holding it open for Kenma as he stepped through, this is so awkward. She closed it pulling off her jacket, they haven't spoken since the office. The silence is slowly murdering her confidence, she cleared her throat,
"would you some like food? Or a drink?"
Kenma briefly nodded, right no words Akasuki made her way into the kitchen,
"we made some cookies yesterday; would you like some?"
There was the usual hm from Kenma as Akasuki sorted through the cupboards preparing the dish for Kenma, this is frustrating. Why is he so quiet? She turned to him, his eyes narrowly set on the ground, she wondered what he was thinking in that pretty head of his, why can't he just speak to her? She gritted her teeth, fuck, clenching the dish in her hand as she slipped past him,
"come on," making her way to her room with Kenma following.
Akasuki wasn't convinced she had the advantage for confession right now, for her it was a win all or loss all situation, why was she putting herself in this situation? She could've just avoided this all if, her eyes lifted to meet Kenma's tender gaze, she didn't fall for him, which was inevitable in Akasuki's eyes. She placed the food down hastily grabbing her text books spreading them over the bed,
"so," she pulled the papers out from one of the textbooks pointing at a question, she needed to not think about it for just a moment, "I don't understand this."
Kenma sat upon the bed leaning over to read the question beginning to explain the question. Is it always going to be like this? Akasuki glanced up at him, is he clueless to her feelings? Surely not, he's smart and attentive, he can't be clueless, right? Wait, her eyes widened, has he ever been attentive towards her? She listened to brief comments Kenma made about her work until he leans back lifting his hand to cover his mouth as he yawned, fuck,
"tell me if you,"
She was watching the ways his lips moved when saying such simple words, the thought of his lips saying, muttering, even angrily expressing anything directed to her, was bone shaking. He was right before her on the same path. What harm was there in reaching out? A smile spread on her face, eyes closing as her hand and lips aimed for a heavenly purpose,
"I really like you,"
Silence followed. Right. This wasn't a dream. This was the sore, and disturbed reality she lived in. She heard a shuffling of sheets and small footsteps, hm? She slowly opened her to see Kenma with his back to her standing in the door way. She really, her eyes dimmed her lips quivering, messed up.
"Tell me if you need help," Kenma spoke quietly, his expression unknown to Akasuki, "I'm leaving," wait, Kenma stepped out of the room, "rest," continuing to walk out her vision.
Her heart pounding aggressively in her chest as she clenched the covers where Kenma sat. The slam of the door vibrating through the house alerting her of Kenma's departure. He, really left. All she wanted was as for him to stay, to talk, to, get to know what's going on in his head. She blindly shoved the papers from the bed, tears forming. Why didn't she think before speaking? When did she become so ridiculous? She remembers the time she used to use such delicate words while walking along a tight rope to avoid casualties. She thought this time would be different. She sat in the thundering silence with her own bewildered thoughts. She couldn't process what happened. He had left. Left her drowning with memories of the past. A spectral hand held her cheek sliding off like water, a mixture of tones attacking her ears like several musicians singing at once.
"Can't you listen to me?" their hand moved to her shoulder edging up to the base of her neck, "you've never had a problem accepting me before," the voices felt like whispers in her ears, hot breath sending dreadful shivers down her spine, "if you wanted to stop," fingers lifted her chin to meet a set of tortured eyes, "it'll have to be worse than death to separate you from me," the words slipping out like a final speech at the end of a play, Akasuki's lips in accordance as if memorising every single detail, "am I truly that evil?"
Evil. Was now the time to be thinking of him? In a haze stuck state, Akasuki empty-headed, took a hand of her phone. Why was he always here? Her eyes scanned the room as she backed up against the wall on her bed, fear overtaking her mind. What if he's really here? What if he's,
"Hello?" a voice erupted from the phone.
Back?
"Suki?"
Forcefully, she lifted the phone to her ear. With shallow breaths she spoke,
"he's not coming back," please tell her what she wanted to hear, "right?" a fear filled tear slid down her cheek, "Tadashi, please tell me."
A distant scoff replied,
"you're overreacting, Suki," overreacting, exactly.
There's no way he can be here. He couldn't have gotten out.
"It's Yaku, do you not have my number saved?"
Yaku? Why is Yaku, on the phone? When did he?
"Yaku?" she spoke in a hushed tone.
Yaku wasn't the one she wanted. In all honesty, neither was Tadashi.
"It's funny how I'm always being dragged into your love life," Yaku sighed, was he?
The leaving the pair of them alone at the party. Pulling Kenma onto the bed. Was this his doing?
"When did setters start receiving more love than a libero?" Yaku sighed frustrated with the situation.
Oh, no. Akasuki didn't agree with that. She knew someone who would suit Yaku perfectly. Almost too perfectly. Practically complete opposites. Maybe that's what her problem was. She's already tried with someone different from her. Look where that landed her. Maybe having someone similar wasn't such a bad thing.
"Where are you?" Yaku asked, his tone softer than before.
"I'm at home," Akasuki regretfully admitted, not that she wanted to be here right now, "I, don't want to be here anymore," she had lost the meaning of here a long time ago.
"You're really that dumb," Yaku huffed, "alright listen to me, for once, listen," the colour draining from her face, "go get Kenma and go to his," to his? "I've got Kuroo handled and Suki," he paused briefly sighing, "you're using your get out of jail free cards excessively. Keep that in mind."
Right. Get out of jail free. The equivalent to stay hidden from Kuroo.
"I'm sorry Yaku," Akasuki whispered, she didn't mean for history to repeat itself, u"this must be frustrating for you."
She heard Yaku chuckle through the phone,
"I don't care Suki," his words weren't angry ones, they were gentle and soft, "if you want him, get him."
'If you want him, get him', exactly what her father would say. Has it always been that easy? She hummed into the phone,
"thank you, Yaku."
She felt a distant smile form on his lips as his fingers ended their call. She carefully placed her phone down, lifting her fatigued mind from the bed. Let's get him. She carefully travelled from her room to the front door, fingers hesitantly hovering over the handle. It's only Kenma. No one else. Kenma. She pulled the door open, feasting her eyes upon the hunched figure sat on the door step. Kenma? She reached out to pull the hood from their head, lifting in their head in response. Kenma's eyes stared back at her, a breath of relief leaving Akasuki's lips,
"Kenma."
His head lowered as he shifted along the ground, weakly patting the ground beside him. Right. She took a seat beside him. She never considered his feelings. Like usual, she made the decisions by herself without confronting others.
"I'm sorry for being selfish," Akasuki admitted frowning.
Kenma cleared his throat as he lazily looked to her,
"I might be crazy," that made two of them, "but," a scoff left his lips, "I was angry," angry? "god," he rubbed his neck excessively, "so angry when he asked for your number," is he talking about the guy at the firm?
Wait, is he on about,
"I guess angry isn't the word," Kenma muttered, "I was," he glanced up, his golden eyes meeting hers, "jealous."
Her heart skipped a beat, intoxicated by his golden eyes. Did she hear that right? He has to be joking. He turned his body to fully face her, his face dimly lit by the rising moon and surrounding street lights,
"are you messing with me?"
What?
"Like if Kuro, or Tora put you up to this," he's rambling so much, Akasuki noticed the nerves rise in his voice, his hands clenching on his lap, "if this is a joke, tell me now," Kenma, she couldn't hold back the delayed tear from rolling down her cheek, she wouldn't ever lie about her feelings.
Kenma's eyes widened, lifting his hands to grab Akasuki's face, his thumbs running across her cheeks. Wait, she didn't want to cry. She closed her eyes as she let out a shaky laugh,
"I'm, not messing with you," she smiled weakly, eyes still clenched shut, "I really do like you."
She felt a brief pause as his hands stroked her cheeks,
"Akasuki," he whispered, "fuck, now I know you, feel the," her eyes opened slowly to Kenma leaning forward, his hands moving to cup her face, what is happening, a soft whisper leaving his lips, "can I, kiss you?"
What? Her heart was thumping in her chest like a cat trapped in a cage, is he serious about this? She gulped as she nodded shortly, he's not actually going to do it is he? Kenma leaned in closer, his face centimetres from hers,
"I," his cheeks reddened dramatically as he lowered his eyes to the ground, "can you close your eyes?"
Oh, fuck. She closed her eyes hastily, heat spreading through her body, that must've been uncomfortable and creepy. She let out a small chuckle. Kenma's breath hitting her lips before a sweet collision of their secret confessions. Holy shit, Akasuki lifted her hands to Kenma's neck, this is actually happening. Akasuki felt the worries melt away, every single inch of trouble swept under the rug. This is how it's meant to feel. Sudden panic hit Akasuki, wait, she pulled away taking a short breath,
"rule book."
Her eyes fluttered open to see Kenma gazing at her in complete solitude. His lips slowly parting as he muttered with an unusual smirk appeared on his face,
"fuck the rule book," softly pulling Akasuki's face back to meet his lips.
Fuck the rule book, Akasuki returned the enthusiasm. This was a dream come true for her. She didn't truly consider the fact that Kenma could return her feelings. This, was more than she could wish for. She lifted her hand to brush his hair behind his ear pulling back slowly, gazing at him,
"Kenma," his fingers brushed over her jaw, his eyes beaming to let her know he was listening, "thank you for staying."
He hummed softly, maybe that was end of the talking streak. She smiled to herself, but that's okay, now she knows how he feels, it's not going to bother her. Kenma lifted himself from the ground, wait what is he doing? She followed him as he stretched his arms glancing down at her with a small smile,
"do, you think, you need help with your homework again?"
She couldn't help but laugh, she guessed he still wasn't at that stage of straight up asking to hang out. She lifted herself to her feet with a nod,
"I think we'll have to start from scratch," she pouted slyly, "you free tonight?"
His eyes widened at her question as he murmured,
"tonight?"
Akasuki nodded with a cheeky grin. Kenma shifted foot to foot before nodding slowly,
"where would we, study?"
"Um," she frowned glancing back at her house, unpleasant memories coming to mind, "can we go to yours?"
"Mine," Kenma repeated quietly, confusion light on his face, "like a sleepover?"
Like a sleepover, those words made her heart flutter. He has a heart of a child.
"Like a sleepover," Akasuki spoke, "if that's alright."
Kenma glanced around before nodding slowly,
"right now?"
He's so cute. She shrugged,
"I don't see why not."
"Don't you need," he paused racking his mind for essential items, "clothes?"
Clothes? She normally wears what she wore the day before. It's always been that way. But he wasn't wrong his thinking,
"hang on," she scrambled to her feet heading into the house again.
Where was it? She hadn't thought about it in a while, not since, well, it didn't matter. After minutes of rummaging through the deserted cupboard, she pulled out a tattered dull backpack. She was thrown back to the day she packed this. It was a miserable day, completely pouring it down with rain. She remembered it clearly because it was the day, she had fallen on the way to school, within school and after school. Fallen wasn't the right word. Tormented. She had returned from school with the promise of ditching with her saviour and his, now realised, filthy lies for freedom. She shook her head, swinging the bag over her shoulder. She would've never thought she'd use this for Kenma. She joined Kenma outside with a smile grabbing a jacket before locking up the door, turning to him with a ready expression.
"That's everything?" Kenma asked curiously.
"Um," she shrugged, "whatever's in here must be important,"
"You don't know what's in there?" he frowned.
What's with the questions? He hardly spoke before.
"I can't, remember," Akasuki admitted sadness falling over her face, "it's a long story."
It seemed to click for Kenma, satisfaction overcoming his curiosity.
"You hungry?" he asked quietly holding out his hand to her.
"Incredibly," she insisted linking her fingers into his.
They're holding hands. Not just silly tugs or a demanding hurry up. A full caring, thumb running over the fingers, hand hold. Her eyes were glued to their hand, she didn't notice Kenma's eyes watching her, a smile on their faces.