What's your Poison? - h.s

11.

I swear it's hard to think
It's hard to breathe when you're in the air
I try to run, but you're everywhere I go
When I think I'm all alone
And my heart's under control

I feel confident that we sorted out the problem with Jeffrey now. That was the main aim for the evening, and I'm glad it was now out of the way. Waking up at midday, not feeling my hangover quite yet, but I still feel angry over how the night ended. The only way I can check to see if I'm being followed, is to go back to the park. I'm not afraid to go there, I won't let anyone take that safe space from me. I grab my coat to throw over my trackies and crop top, stuffing a spliff into my pocket for my walk around the lake.

As I step out of my apartment block, the hustle and bustle of Brooklyn is all around me. Business men and women on their lunch breaks, college kids out between classes and people like me who have only just woken up and need some fresh air. Well, as fresh as you can get in Brooklyn. It's a beautiful sunny day, which still isn't enough to help lift my mood. Keeping my hands in my pockets, my head down, ignoring everyone around me, I head straight for the park, going straight to sit by the lake like usual.

Dangling my feet over the water, I light my spliff, feeling my anger settle down as I take my first breath in. I'm more confused than every about where I stand with Harry. Just as I thought we were making a good team, he acts as if he despises me. Every time I think Harry is showing me a different side of him, a kind and caring side, he does something the complete opposite and I can't keep up. Thinking back to that other night, going up to his office after dancing. The sexual tension building with every breath and then him suddenly snapping at me. Something about him pulls me in further when I know I should run away. He's almost enchanting. As I bring my joint to my lips I hear my phone vibrate in my pocket.

As I pull it out I see that it is Mum that is calling, taking a deep breath I answer the phone.

"Mum! You alright?" I ask putting on a cheery, happy voice.

"Darling!" I hear her reply back, sounding just as happy as usual, I roll my eyes as I wonder what she's going to pester me about this time. "I hope I didn't interrupt you at work!" She whispers, as if other people can hear her.

"Oh...no ummm...I've just left the office for some lunch!" I say, trying my best to hide the panic in my voice as I lie to her. My parents were never supportive of me leaving Pittsburgh for Brooklyn, they said I was too far away, that it was a dangerous city and that I was throwing my life away. I moved to Brooklyn without a job, and once I got my job at Ivy, I knew they would try to get me to come home so I lied. I told them I worked at the same business as Katie, in an office upstate and I was working my way up the business. My parents were the only people I could lie to easily, whilst I love them dearly, they just hate letting me go and would always hold me back. They would never understand my dream of owning my own club.

Owning a place where people let themselves go, had the time of their lives, met their new best friends or lovers. Being the reason people have some of the best nights of their lives, being responsible for memories people laugh about later on. There's so much more to it than just earning money. I love meeting new people, watching other people, what's a better way to do that than own the best club in Brooklyn.

"When can we come visit you darling? We'd love to come and meet Sam." She whines over the phone. I'd never let them come visit me, for one they'd hate my apartment, they'd pick apart Brooklyn to pieces and then drag me back home.

"Ahhh, still got that big project at work, Mum. We are all working flat out throughout the weekend. Also, I told you I broke up with Sam." I told her as soon as it happened, either she doesn't listen or doesn't care.

"Oh. Yes, you did. Well, make sure you get back out there and meet a boy to bring back for christmas!" Damn it, forgot I promised her I would be back for christmas.

"Well my lunch is over! Better go byeee..." I trail off, hanging up before she can respond so that I can avoid the conversation. Feeling more stressed than before I came out here, I notice I'm at the end of my spliff. Whilst I smoke weed everyday, I try to limit myself to two spliffs a day, one either in the morning, afternoon to evening. I don't see myself as dependent on weed, but it definitely helps me get through the days. I only started once I broke up with Sam, it was a coping mechanism for me. Before that, I'd only had it once or twice on a night out. Sam didn't really approve on drug use so I stayed away from it. If he knew how much I smoke now, I genuinely think he would think be broke me. He definitely hurt me, but weed stopped me from fulling breaking. I need to walk around a bit more before going home, otherwise I would just smoke another joint and I can't go to work high.

I jump up off the floor and begin my usual lap around the lake. However, this time it feels different. I feel as though I can't completely zone out and relax this time, I keep feeling the need to look over my shoulder every so often. I feel like I need to look at every person I see to see if they're looking at me, or watching me. I feel my pace picking up with every step, until I notice that I'm running without realising. I keep looking behind me as I run, still feeling as though someone is following me and that I can't get away. My heart rate increasing, I feel myself sweating and almost panting. I suddenly come to a halt as I run right into someone, their hand on my shoulders stopping me from fully colliding with them as I don't look where I'm going.

I snap my head forward as I'm stopped in my tracks, ready to push the person away from me in a panic. As I bring my hands up to my chest, preparing my fight and flight mode, I look up to a tall figure standing over me and instantly relax as I see those eyes.

"Woah calm down, Petal." He laughs as I shrug him off of me. This is the first time I'd seen him in something other than black. He was wearing a beanie that contained his curls, a hoodie with a coat over the top. It was weird seeing him out of work, like seeing an alien.

"What are you doing here?" I groan as I nudge past, walking past him.

"I love a good stroll." Harry says as he walks just behind me. I stop and spin round to face him to try tell if he's joking or not. He has that typical, smug smile he always has.

"Seriously?" I cross my arms, tilting my head at him, hoping for an actually truthful answer.

"Seriously. Just happened to see you here, you looked a bit spooked." He wipes the smile off of his face, going back to his serious furrowed brows.

"I'm fine. Bye now." I spin round and head back round the lake, not wanting to spend anymore time with him. I hear him laugh behind me as I walk off, rolling my eyes at his arrogance. Why is he everywhere I go? It's always when I don't want to see him, he's there. I could be on the other side of world to him, and he'd turn up. Maybe one day that'll be helpful, but right now, he's just a pain in my ass.