What's your Poison? - h.s

40.

"So Sam was then out of the picture, well I thought he was." I mutter, twiddling the grass between my fingers as I pluck it out of the ground beneath me. The grass was so smooth and soft. I guess they know people are going to be sat on it a lot so it needs to be comfortable. "But you don't need to know about all that. It's all such a mess..." I shake my head as I talk to him. I'm trying my best to smile, I've managed not to cry the whole time I've been sat here. But it is starting to get the better of me. I want to be strong for him, that's all I have ever wanted. But who am I kidding. I wasn't strong enough to even come and visit him. All I am is weak.

"I'm a mess." I break. I rest my head on my knees, as if I'm hiding it from Niall. "All I do is mess things up for others, and myself." I'm sobbing as I get through my words. "I lost the one person I cared about, after you. I always lose people." I lift my head up to take a breath, opening my eyes to see the clouds above of me. There's only one cloud in the sky, and it's right above me. Watching over me. "I thought, going to Brooklyn would help me start over. When I lost you, I couldn't stand to be near anything that reminded me of you. It hurt too much. I went to Brooklyn and managed to forget it ever happened, I was just running from the pain." I snuffle as I stare up at the cloud.

"I created this new person off of a person I was hiding inside me that was full of pain...and guilt." I take a deep breath as I unload all my thoughts onto Niall. Thoughts that I have never admitted to myself until now. "I shouldn't have left you Niall. I should have come to visit you that weekend and told you the truth about George and I, rather than hiding. If I was there, this wouldn't have happened. None of this would have happened." I feel the cloud start to drift away as I bury my head in my knees again.

George was the first guy I ever slept with. It happened after the party the weekend I visited Niall, whilst Niall stayed at the party to help tidy up. We were both really wasted, but I'd be lying if I say I didn't want it to happen. We were both too afraid to tell Niall, so we kept it a secret. I was meant to go back down a month later to see Niall but I was too afraid. That's the weekend it all happened.

As I'm sobbing into my knees, I feel a hand on my shoulder, standing over me. I keep my head buried so George doesn't see me like this. "I'm sorry, George. I'll be done in a minute." I move my hand up to my shoulder to grab his hand, as I place my hand upon his fingers, I feel rings that I didn't notice before. Rings that are all too familiar to me. I quickly lift my head up to meet eyes that I never would have expected to see here. "Harry..." I question as I wipe my tears away, hoping my eyes are just deceiving me.

"Dais', I need to talk to you." His eyes are red, his cheeks look wet. How long has he been standing there? He must have been following me. I knew he was leaving Brooklyn for a couple days like Joe said, but I didn't think he meant Pittsburgh. I quickly jump up, brushing all the grass off of me. He reaches out to help me up but I quickly step back to create more distance between him. He frowns as I step away. "Look...I know you probably have a load of questions right now but I-"

"Harry..." I say again in utter shock he's actually standing in front of me. "Why are you here?" the first of many questions that I can actually get out of my mouth.

"Looking for you." He states blankly. "We need to talk." He says as he gestures towards a bench under a tree, away from Niall's gravestone. I nod sheepishly and keep my eyes to the ground as I make my way over to the bench. I sit right on the end whilst he sits on the opposite side, making it feel like we are a million miles apart.

"How did you know you'd find me here?" I break the silence with my next question.

"Because I've been here before..." he slowly lets the words out. I finally look up to him as he finishes himself. My heart aching as our eyes meet. "I knew Niall." He spits out finally. "I was his drug dealer." He blurts it out quickly as if ripping a bandaid off. I feel my whole body go cold. He quickly moves along the bench and places his hand on my knee, too frozen to move away from him.

"You...you're the...oh god." My head feels like a puzzle. I'm trying my best to piece it all together.

"I didn't sell him the drugs!" He jumps in quickly. "But I didn't save him when I could have. He came to me asking for the pills. I said no because I actually cared about him. He got his roommate to go to some other sleazy dealer and get the drugs. Coward probably got Niall to do them first then bailed when he got sick." The anger in Harry's voice builds up as he explains. I can't tell if it's anger towards George or himself. "Niall was more than just a client, he was actually my mate."

"George?" I never looked into what happened that night. I just assumed Niall was at a party, got offered some pills and that was it. I can't believe Harry didn't tell me he knew Niall. This whole time we could have spoken about him, he could have helped me. I could have helped him. "Harry..what happened wasn't your fault." I find the strength to look back at him, meeting his blood shot eyes. My heart melts at his gaze.

"And it wasn't yours." He whisper, noticing him look down to my lips. He must have heard what I said to Niall.

"It wasn't anyone's." I add. "Did you know who I was before we met?" Harry nods in response.

"I told myself I'd protect you for Niall, since I couldn't protect him. I bought the club opposite the one you worked in, I never meant for you to begin working for me...let alone the rest of it." Our eyes don't break. This whole time Harry had been protecting me, which makes so much sense. His anger with me doing drugs, because of Niall. "But recently I've been doing the complete opposite. I thought keeping you close would be the best way of protecting you from James, Sam, all of it. But then you ended up getting involved and...I couldn't let you get involved anymore. I had to let you go." I hear his voice break as he continues.

"I chose to get involved, Harry. I could have walked away whenever I wanted. I chose to stay because...because of you. I cared about you. I still do." The distance between us on the bench is completely closed by now, we couldn't get much closer. I still felt we were too far away from one another. I want to tell him I love him. I stuck around because I love him.

"And I let you go because I care about you." He sighs. "This isn't the life Niall wanted for you..."

"Then Niall shouldn't have left me!" I shout without realising the level of my voice. "He left me...when I needed him." I begin to break again. "You left me too. When I had finally got someone back in my life that meant as much to me as Niall did, you left me." I whine between sobs. I never got this closure with Harry, but it's all flowing out like a flood.

"I know." He drops his head, breaking his gaze from me. "I know. But I'm back... I came back for you, because-"

"Daisy?" I hear a voice shout in the distance. Fuck, I forgot George was waiting for me. I see him walking up the path towards us, trying to figure out who I'm sat next to. "Harry?" He questions as he comes closer. "Long time no see, mate." He says, uneasily. Harry scoffs at him. Suddenly, feeling tension between the two. "Is everything ok?" George asks me as he stands in front of us.

"Just filling her in on how you bought the dodgy drugs and let Niall test them out first, mate." Harry says coldly, George begins shuffling his feet uncomfortably.

"Daisy, look it was my idea but I didn't know-" George begins apologising to me, I quickly jump up to calm him down.

"George, stop. It was no ones fault that night. Except maybe the dealers, but especially not yours. No ones." I glare back at Harry, feeling bad he blamed George for it. "I need to stay with Harry...I'm ok...can you just tell my parents I'll call them later." Harry might have let me go, but I'm not letting him go again.