What's your Poison? - h.s

31.

You've practiced your lines to convince us you're fine
but I know
That's not where you are

I managed to get Harry back to my apartment. After his lips broke away from mine, he still kept his gaze down, as if he was ashamed of himself. I took his hand, locked up the club and got him in the taxi without a word or argument. Rather than take him straight to my apartment, I went to the roof instead. The last thing he needs is to be crammed into my tiny studio, he needs space and freedom. And weed.

Once we got to the roof, he stood at the ledge, leaning on the wall that came up to his mid-waist, staring out across the night lights of Brooklyn. I decide to sit on the couch and light my joint, giving him time to decide himself when he wants to talk.

I'm still not sure what happened in his office. But I'm not mad at him. The relationship Harry has with his Dad seems...different. Whatever caused Harry's outburst, it's definitely been a problem for awhile. It reminded me the first time it happened. The first time he almost strangled me, as if he didn't realise what he was doing. Harry would never scare me, nor would I be angry at him for what happened. We all have our flaws, and I can tell Harry didn't realise what he was doing again and that I was with him.

The look on his face once he came back around was filled with guilt and worry. Once I told him I'm not leaving, he acted as if he had never heard those words before. I couldn't possibly be angry enough to leave him, who knows what he would have done. Whilst sometimes you want to be alone, I couldn't do it to him, it wasn't safe. I feel like this is a nice alternative. Being with him, here for him if he decides he wants me, but not pushing him.

As I sit and watch Harry look out over the roof, I can't help but admire him. His tall body complimented by his broad shoulders, with his curly hair sitting just on them. Even from the back he was intimidating and captivating. But nothing beats his eyes. What I would give for him to look at me without the guilt and pain there were in them before, or for him to even just look at me.

"I should get back to him." I hear Harry say, still facing away from me. "I need to go." He repeats before turning to head towards the door. I suddenly realise he's actually leaving and rush to follow him.

"Woah, woah, woah." I say, grabbing his arm from behind him, stopping him in his tracks. "Do you really think that's the best idea?" I ask, talking to the back of his head. He's insane if he think I'm going to let him leave. He just blacked out in anger because of James, going to see him could result in a lot worse. Also, I need to find out what actually happened or try understand it a little better.

"I just have to." He says, dropping his head to the ground. He still sounds in pain. He doesn't want to go, and I won't let him.

"You don't have to do fuck." Scoffing at him. I have no idea who this man is in front of me. He's timid and weak. James has this effect on him. "Harry." I call out his name, letting go of his hand and hoping he'll turn round to face me. But I have no luck. "You can look at me Harry. What happened isn't your fault, you don't have to go see him if-"

"You have no idea what you're talking about!" He shouts back, finally looking round to me. His face is red with anger as he towers above me. Spit flies from his mouth in anger. I stand my ground, not even flinching to his sudden outburst or taking a step back. He doesn't and won't ever scare me, even though I can tell he wants me to be. I can agree that it would all be a lot easier if I was scared of him, we wouldn't be here right now if I was. "You don't know what he's like Daisy!" He shouts again. This is the first time he's looked me in the eyes since we left the club. Once he realises that he is, he looks past me out over the roof. "All my life, he's ruined every good thing I've had. If it's got nothing to do with the business, then it's not important to him." He continues, lowering his voice down to a normal volume.