What's your Poison? - h.s

39.

Oh, that's not tonight, When you hold me tight 

All the fire bright, Oh, let it blaze alright Oh, hope that you're good to me

There's something so therapeutic about train journeys. They go through parts of the country that you wouldn't really see without going on the train. That feeling as you pull away from the station and see the city disappear behind you, as you know you're going somewhere new. Nothing could beat it.

I'd never done this journey back home to Pittsburgh. Only from Pittsburgh to Brooklyn. I remember that feeling so well. A mixture of nerves and excitement. I was finally leaving my old life being and starting off somewhere completely new. No one knew me in New York, I could completely reinvent myself and start fresh. I could be anyone I wanted to be, a better version of me. I definitely recreated myself, but right now I don't think I'm a better version. At least, not who I am right now. I don't know who I am right now. Getting caught up in Harry and the drugs, I never would have wanted this for myself. That's why I needed to come home. Then, when I go back to New York, I'll have a new start again.

This journey is completely different. I never thought I'd be excited about going home but right now it's exactly what I need. There's still a part of the old me left in Pittsburgh, and I need to find her. Not this version of myself that's involved in gangs and secret clubs. I told Katie I was going home, instantly she started worrying about me and asking if my mum or dad had died, as if that's the only thing that could bring me home. I guess I used to think that as well. In the end I just told her to catch up with Joe, I didn't want to revisit everything that we did last night.

I didn't tell my parents that I'm coming home. I knew that if I did it would result in a million and one questions which would then end up in an argument somehow before I'm even there. Also, it'll be a nice surprise knocking on their door and they open it up to their estranged daughter, cheering with joy, pulling me in for a hug and maybe a little cry. At least, that's how I'm hoping they'll react. I can't imagine they'll be happy with me avoiding all their calls and texts.

The taxi pulls up outside their house. It looks exactly the same. It's only been just over a year, but part of me expected them to seize the opportunity of not having kids in the house anymore and completely redecorate. I guess there's a lot of memories to hold on to. I grab my bags out of the taxi and take a deep breath as I stare as the door ahead of me, hearing the taxi pull away. I can do this. It'll be good for me. It's what I need. I repeat to myself as I take each step towards the door before I finally reach it. I feel my hand shake as I reach up to knock on the door. I knock loudly three times quickly, in hopes the knocks are unanswered and I can just turn round and go back to Brooklyn. But my prayers weren't answered. The door swiftly opens and I am met with the face of my mother's. Her eyes widen as if she can't believe what she's seeing.

"Hi mum..." I say softly, unsure if this is a good reaction from her or not. Her face is frozen as I stand there with my bags weighing down on my shoulders. God, please just invite me in so I don't have to carry these anymore. I was never good at packing light, especially when I'm packing at 4 in the morning. 

"Pete!" My mum shouts as she looks me up and down in confusion. It's not long before my mum is joined by my dad, standing behind her. "Please tell me I'm not hallucinating and our daughter is standing in front of us right now?" She asks, as my Dad's smile on his face grows.

"Daisy..." Dad mutters, before Mum quickly launches at me, wrapping her arms around me.

"We've missed you so much." She mutters into my shoulder, before Dad joins in on the hug. Before I know, I feel tears streaming down my face.