Regret

Begin Again

This chapter will have a part 1 and two
Katara age 20, 6 years after the war ended

Just as quickly as Aang came back into my life, he left again. First, I was 14 and he was 12, and I thought I loved Zuko. Zuko was older, and we just made more sense. We had both lost our moms, and we really bonded over the trip to see the southern Raiders. It seemed right at the time. I was happy he was my boyfriend, so  when he asked me to stay in the fire nation, I couldn't leave him alone. So I told a little 12 year old boy who had lost everything, that I wasn't going to come with him, and he'd have to do everything alone.

      Back then I thought he was  being selfish, selfish for keeping me from my boyfriend, selfish for keeping me from being happy, but I wasn't happy, not at all. My relationship was just so normal, everything was good as it should be, it was fine. But love is so much more than that, love is complicated and messy and it hurts a lot.

      I convinced myself it was his fault, Aang was mad at me for not coming with him, he was choosing to ignore me, he was breaking my heart. But I always loved Aang, that was always clear to me, even when I couldn't think straight. At the time, I wasn't sure how much I did, or in what way I did, but I always knew I loved him. I always thought of how sad I'd been when I thought he wasn't going to be there on my wedding day, and how I needed him there more than any other person.

     By then, two years had gone by and I had only ever heard of him moving around the earth kingdom, solving different conflicts but he had been avoiding me and I knew it. So I married Zuko because it made sense, I was 16 he was 18, and it was perfect in our cultures. We were still together, and I had no legitimate reason to break things off with him, but was that  a good reason for getting married? Because it simply made sense? Because it was easy? I still don't know the answer to that question, but I said yes. I wanted to marry Zuko, and I knew I was going to do it either by myself or with the people I loved. But then he had shown up. He came, and we danced, and we we're friends, and then we just ignored the topic completely.

      Maybe we should've worked it out, but neither of us wanted to, I was just so happy he was there. You don't know how much you miss something until it's gone, and that was me with Aang. He's always treated me so kindly and he always instilled such a feeling of hope and love in me. I was miserable ruling over the fire nation, and I still am. 

    No one will truly understand the concept of freedom, and how much I missed it. No one except Aang of course, who seemed to know exactly what I was talking about. I missed him dearly. We had not even been friends for a year, or maybe two years, before I lost him again. I kissed him, and he kissed me back, but it was wrong and stupid and didn't mean anything. I was and still am married. I think Aang deserves more of an explanation, no matter if he kissed me back. I can tell he was confused, but so was I. What was I thinking kissing a sixteen year old? He was still pretty young, and I was eighteen, I should've known better than that.

    It's strange how the number two seems to be common number for us. Two years age difference, two years he wouldn't speak to me, two years we were friends again, and now it's been two years since I've last seen him, and two years since I've kissed him. And ironically, another marriage was going to bring us back together; Sokka and Suki's. Them getting married at 22 seems completely normal, but they're six years older than I was when I got married.

     I always wondered what took them so long, but when I asked Sokka he just said "you know when the time is right". I'll never forget how he told me I rushed into my marriage, on my wedding day. Even if he was joking, I could not believe he had said that. The worst part was I thought about it every day since then. I always told myself we weren't rushing into it, Zuko and I had been together for two years, before he proposed. But we were so young. Sometimes I think he only proposed to me so he wouldn't have to carry so much responsibility by himself.