Regret

The Moment I Knew

Katara age 19, five years after ended

"FUCK!" I screamed slamming the door to my chambers. I fell on the bed letting sobs escape my throat. I grabbed a pillow and put it over my mouth, screaming tears of anguish and despair; the pillow did nothing to muffle the sounds. I didn't care.

"DAMN IT" I yelled slamming my fist on the wall above me. My hand instantly recoiled in pain but it didn't bother me. Once again, Aang had escaped me. He was in the fire nation, I was sure of it. But I let him get away. I knew Aang couldn't avoid me forever, but he was doing a pretty damn good job. A year ago I kissed him and he's run from me ever since. I hated him, why, why did he always run from me? "I hate him, I hate him!"I said over and over again to myself. Why was I wasting time over this boy who always seems to run away again.

      He hated me, so why did I miss him so much. Why was I desperately searching for him, and having informants tell me about his whereabouts? A letter from June, who I had sent after him, said that she found him in Gao Ling, but the minute he saw her he vanished. It made sense, he couldn't have known the bounty was from me, and having anyone follow you was suspicious. From her letters however, I learned he can apparently now lava bend. No bounty could ever keep track of him, as long as he had Appa he could go anywhere, and no one would be able to catch up with him. He stayed in republic city majority of the time, but he made frequent visits to the South Pole and and Southern air temple. But he was just in the fire nation, and I didn't even get the chance to see him.

    How long was he going to avoid me, and why was he doing this? I know what I did was wrong, but it's been a year, how much longer can this go on? I stared out the window looking at the sky. Somewhere in those clouds was Aang. I let another sob escape my throat. I missed him so much. I didn't hate him, I could never hate him. When my voice was barley above whisper I looked up at the clouds.

"Aang, I lov-" I was interrupted by the opening of my chamber door. Zuko had come in. He saw my state and came running.

"Katara what's wrong?"

"Nothing" I lied wiping a tear. Zuko wasn't buying it, but he didn't press me on it.

"How was the council?" I asked changing the subject.
Zuko shrugged.

"It was okay, Aang made it bearable, Did you get a chance to see him?"

     I felt like my heart had been split in two. Zuko confirmed what I already knew; Aang was still ignoring me. Not only that, but he was here in fire nation palace. Not only did he not make an effort to talk to me, in fact he probably went to great lengths to escape me. He was here in the palace, probably praying I wouldn't see him, while I was here praying he would talk to me. Still I had to appear happy for Zuko. No one could no the true reason Aang and I haven't spoken since I was eighteen. I put on a fake smile, thankful that I had no more tears to shed.

"I must've just missed him".

—

Katara, age Twenty One, seven years after the  war ended, the present:

     
          I thought back to what Aang told me four months ago. Everyday I stayed in Ember Island, was another day I was escaping my problems. Funny how for so long I weighed that against Aang, him leaving me when things were complicated, but I now understood. I truth was I've been avoiding making a very difficult decision.

      Over the past seven years, Aang and I managed to hurt each other in so many ways, and my biggest regret was forcing other people to be involved in our circle of pain and lies. I wanted to apologize to Sokka and Toph for making things so awkward and making everything about me and Aang. I wanted to apologize to Zuko, who didn't deserve any of this. Tears were now streaming down my face as I looked at small tears dotting his eyes.

"I'll always love you, you know that don't you?"

Zuko nodded pulling me in for an embrace. I cried realizing how in this crazy journey to love and romance , I may have lost a friend. He gently pulled apart placing a hand on my shoulder. He glanced up at me and met me in my eyes.

"Can I ask, is it because.. well, do you love Aang?"

"I've always loved him, and I've always known that. Nothing that's happened to me since I was fourteen,that has ever made me doubt that."

"But it's so much more than that, isn't it Katara? It's not the same kind of love you had for him at fourteen. The rumors, they're true aren't they?"
I nodded wiping away the tears that kept streaming down my face.

"I'm in love with Aang. It took me so long to realize that, and I've hurt so many people. I hurt you Zuko, I'm sorry"
I covered my face in shame, letting a sob escape. He  offered a sad smile.

"But we could never make each other happy, I just wish you had told me sooner." He said, a tear escaping his eyes.

"I put you and Aang through so much, just because I can't figure out my own feelings. The rumors.. I don't know what you've heard, what they've been saying about me, but it's true, all of it, I'm a horrible person."

Another sob escaped my throat, realization hitting me. Here I was ending my marriage, because I always mess things up.

"You're not a horrible person Katara, you were just young and confused, and in a tough situation. We all were. And to be honest, I noticed this distance between us. I've felt it, well, ever since Aang came back into our lives. I've doubted our marriage ever since then, and my heart wasn't really in it. What kind of husband falls out of love with their wife? It's different to what you and Aang did.. but in a way I've also had my own form of a love affair."

Hearing his words I didn't feel as guilty. I knew you couldn't break the heart of someone who didn't love you, but none the less at the moment I wanted nothing more to disappear. Zuko could tell me he had an affair with Sokka for all I know, and I'd still feel horrible for what I've done. Zuko placed a hand on my shoulder, something he did quite frequently, and something I'll always need from a friend. I knew now where my heart lie, but I felt another ache in my stomach.

"Do you hate me?" I asked quietly. Zuko shook his head.

"I could never hate you Katara, and neither does he." I brought my arms around him, and Zuko patted my hair.

"You need to go look for him Katara, tell him everything, before it's too late."

I wiped tears from eyes, laughing through my sobs.

"When did you get so wise Fire Lord Zuko?"
He wiped a couple of his own tears.

"My uncle taught me a couple of things Katara Water Tribe."

      I hadn't been called that in so long. I carefully slipped off my ring, and gently removed the gold pin from my hair. I handed them both to Zuko, closing my hands around his. I didn't have to say anything, years of being married to Zuko and I knew that he preferred silence. I knew that he could understand me through simple facial expressions.

"Goodbye Katara" he said solemnly. I gave him one last sad embrace before I left the palace, for good.

As I stood on the fire navy ship that would take me to republic city, I looked back at the fire nation. I lived there for so long, but I couldn't feel any towards of sympathy or attachment towards that place. It was never my home. Zuko was right, I had to tell Aang everything before it was too late. This time nothing would keep me from Aang.