Sweet Night (18+) || kth ||

Chapter 6

I woke up to an empty bed. And a part of me felt empty too. I thought Sujin and I really hit if off well last night, but I guess I thought wrong. At least now, I won't have to feel bad every time we sleep together. I won't have that gnawing guilt in my chest afterwards.

We went back to Seoul not long afterwards and I had a few days of rest before we had to go to another shooting site. Unfortunately, and to my disappointment, Sujin wasn't there. I'd been looking forward to our next night together when we got back to Seoul. But Mr. Cho said that she had to take an emergency leave for a couple of days. This was one drawback of the arrangement. Since she was employed by the company, she had the right to take leaves from work. I had no choice but to wait for her to come back.

However, it gave me some time to gather my thoughts as well. I still can't get over the analogy that I made between me and Sujin, and me and the rest of the world. She grabbed the silver lining in her situation, so why can't I find mine? What was my silver lining? I could focus on the money, I guess. I mean, this series alone would bring me enough cash to sustain my lifestyle for a year. And it's not like this is the only contract I have right now. So, yeah, money's always a silver lining. They say money can't buy happiness, but then again, money can buy you the things that make you happy. I guess the real question now is, what makes me happy?

I thought hard about this. Back then, I thought that being famous would make me happy. Being an artist was my dream, but now that I'm here, I asked myself now what? I cannot count the number of times I've asked that question but to this date, I don't know the answer. For so many years, I yearned to finally reach the end of the road. But now that I'm here, I realized there's not much to it after all. And looking back, the journey I had was much more fun. It was hard, but at least back then, I still had that sparkle in my eyes. I don't have that anymore. I've often looked at my reflection in the mirror looking for that sparkle but all I see is a dull darkness in them. So, even if I have all this money, what am I going to do with it? What can I buy with it that will make me happy?

What makes me happy?

Funnily enough, Sujin popped into my head when I asked myself this question this time around. And I wonder what makes her happy. What is at the end of the road she is walking on? For that matter, what made her want to walk on it in the first place? I know these were very personal questions and that we're not allowed to know them let alone ask, but I have a feeling that she might have the answer I've been looking for.

And so, I was very eager for us to get the chance again. When I saw her in the company one afternoon about a week after we got back, I immediately asked Mr. Cho to bring her to my place that night.

"Not a hotel?" he asked.

"No, my place," I said to him. "I'm not in the mood to travel."

Truth was, I didn't want to keep on meeting Sujin in random hotels. I thought that would bring more attention to us. Besides, it just feels right that we should be doing this at my place instead. So, I went home early that day and got ready. Other than formulating the questions I have in my head, I was also excited to sleep with her. Her tightness is beyond my imagination and even though we've only been together twice, those were the two best nights of my life. And now that we're at my place, I have all the toys at my disposal.

But when she finally arrived, I found that I couldn't ask her my questions. In fact, I lost all excitement the moment I saw her. In its place, I felt fear. Or something that was akin to that. I couldn't place it. I just know that I was afraid. We had sex very briefly. I could tell she was confused about my reaction. After what I said about making her comfortable, here I was hurrying her out of my apartment. But I was just out of sorts. All thoughts in my head were jumbled together. Only after she was gone did my head clear up again, and her reaction finally registered.