Sweet Night (18+) || kth ||

Chapter 16

WARNING: Contains content that some readers might find disturbing

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Growing up, my dream was that one day, Dad would come back to us. I never understood why he left us. Was it something that we did? Something we didn't do? I grew up looking twice over my shoulder, hoping that the shadow I was seeing, the guy who just passed me by, was my father. You wouldn't be able to count the number of times I ran after a stranger, mistaking him for Dad. But as the years went by, I became certain that that will never happen. I tried looking for him, but I never found him. I wasn't going to ask him to come back though. I just wanted to know why, why he left. Later on, when I found out from Mom the real reason he left us (he found someone younger), I wanted to ask him why did he have us in the first place if he was just going to leave us. Was Mom that unappealing now that she's given him two children? If you knew that your wife was going grow unattractive after two pregnancies, why get her pregnant in the first place?

I learned to etch him out of my life, of our life, for good. So, my dream changed to being able to make sure that Sunny will have a better life than I did. From the moment I understood that our father will never be the answer to our problems, I told myself to focus instead on what matters and that all my actions should be to reach that goal. It was pointless to try and wish for fantasies. That's why they were called that, because they can never be real. And it was pointless to spend even an ounce of my time and energy thinking otherwise.

And so, as the months went by and the year with Kim Taehyung was drawing to a close, I found myself nearer and nearer my dream. The debt with the loan sharks had been paid off. All the money being paid to me was now mine. Suddenly, I found myself with the most money I've had in all my life. The temptation to spend it in something nice for once was very strong. A new phone perhaps. Or new clothes. Or shoes! Suddenly, all the stores I passed by before were calling out to me enticingly. I could watch the movies, get a massage, maybe even get a tattoo! I had to summon all my will not to splurge all that money away.

Of course, Sunny knew our financial state and she was very excited. She couldn't wait for all of this to end as well because she hated the thought of me pleasing a man with my body for money. No matter how hard I tried to explain to her that Taehyung wasn't like that, she would just prefer that I didn't do it, bless her sweet, little heart. It saddened her that we would have to be apart for four to five years while I'm studying abroad, but it was worth the sacrifice. This was our future we were talking about. Just like the shops, suddenly, the world was open to us. Once this is all over, we're free to go wherever we want to. Just me and Sunny.

At the same time, a part of me was sad. Once the contract expires, I no longer have any reason to keep on seeing Kim Taehyung. I would have just enough time to get my documents ready before I leave for the Philippines. I was no longer his personal escort and yet, I was also not... anything to him. I knew he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I knew he already thinks that, but it just couldn't be. He was on an altogether different world than I am. Society would never accept us. Love stories such as that of his friend Park Jimin and his girlfriend were rare. The universe is seldom that kind to mankind. Nor to me for that matter. No, after all of this, Kim Taehyung and I are no more.

Which was a shame, really, because I've never felt more alive in my whole life than when I'm with him. He never failed to make me feel wanted, loved. He's sweet and caring, gentle and sensitive. Sometimes, he's so innocent like a child. Others, he was a man: mature, strong, independent, decisive. He wasn't book smart, but his view of the world is so philosophical it was hard to see how this man was the same one who turned to sex in order to escape depression. With him, I was happy. With him, I was Lee Sujin, a twenty-three-year-old woman without a care in the world, just like any other twenty-three-year-old woman. I was happy. I felt alive.