Sweet Night (18+) || kth ||

Chapter 17

WARNING: Contains content that some readers might find disturbing

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I only wanted to help. But she wouldn't let me. She wouldn't tell me. I was hurt that she won't trust me enough to let me be by her side. What more do I have to do for her to know that I love her? But it's not as though I'd stop trying just because she kept on lying to me. Yeah, it infuriated me, but I still love her.

But how do you protect someone who doesn't want to be protected?

Lee Sujin was the most stubborn, independent woman I've ever had the misfortune of knowing and loving. She was dead on serious about taking care of her sister on her own. I'd like to think that she's just gotten used to it. I mean, after so many years of doing something, it's hard to let go of it. But I can't be too sure. In the end, it could just be because of her pride.

Sometimes, I even ask myself if what I feel for her is love. I barely know her. Yeah, she's told me about her past, but that's not all of it. The only thing I know for certain is that their father left them, their mother's addicted to gambling, and she has a sister she's worked her whole life to keep alive. She's taken on so many odd jobs as a kid and as a teenager, my life's peachy when compared to hers. I know what can make her toes curl in bed, but beyond those things, I know nothing about her. Sujin puts on a different mask every time she's with me, just like how I put on a mask in front of the camera.

Again, I saw the similarities in our situations. And she's served her purpose. I have found my reason to go on. I've learned to embrace the darkness. I no longer live with that crippling fear. She saved me from hell, and all I want is to return the favor, but really: do I even know her? Was this real love and not just a spur of the moment?

I'd like to think it is love. I've never felt this way with anyone else before. I've had crushes and girls I thought were pretty. I've been on a couple of dates back in high school, but never anything like this. Never have I met anyone who made me feel complete. And I doubt I will ever meet anyone like her again.

I knew our time together was running out. She'd never told me her future and I feared that she didn't see me as being part of it. I didn't want that, because she was my future. I was already thinking of ways for us to be together still even after all this is over. I can't lose her. I won't lose her. However, it's hard to incorporate someone in your life who clearly doesn't want to be incorporated. The more I try to be close to her, the more she pushes me back.

And then suddenly, it was like I'm seeing a different person altogether. Or to be more exact, like two different person altogether. It's hard to explain, but I could tell that she wanted to be with me. Nothing changed in the way we interacted with each other. But at the same time, it was like I was seeing a ghost. I see an imprint of someone I know but that person is no longer there. She was always looking off into space, nodding absentmindedly to what I was saying. She was showing me the Sujin she thought I wanted to see. But every time I asked her something personal, she would clam up and switch topics or tell me a lie.

Then, she began to lose weight. Until she began walking around looking like a zombie. It pained me, and at the same time, angered me when she would lie and tell me she was okay. It was obvious that she wasn't, that she was only putting up with me because she has to. Hangyeol-hyung, who never gave up on her, also saw the change. Our relationship had been strained since that night, but he pulled me aside and asked me what was going on between us. He knows that Sujin turned him down because of me, even if he doesn't know about us specifically. I only told him I wished I knew as well.