'Till Death Do Us Part {Trilogy to TPL and LTF}

Chapter 26

Chapter 26

~ Nina ~
Baby?
What baby?
A shiver ran down my spine as the endless thoughts flooded my mind.
"Would you mind giving us a second? We'd just like to explain to her what happened." Louis said.
Dr. Finn nodded and left the room.
"W-What baby?" I asked.
The boys looked at each other, not knowing what to say.
"What baby?" I repeated.
Louis sighed and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.
"Your baby, Nina. You had a miscarriage."
The world was spinning, everything dizzy.
My vision was also blurred and the beeping became increasingly louder.
I felt like I couldn't breathe, like someone had cut off my oxygen supply.
"Breathe! Nina, breathe!" The boys were exclaiming.
I couldn't.
My chest was moving fast, my breaths coming out as pants.
The boys moved aside and Louis placed his hand on my back, slowly easing me down on the bed.
My eyes were wide as the ringing in my ears began.
Louis gripped onto my hand with free one and leaned his head over mine.
"Breathe. Deep breaths for me, Nina. Deep breaths." He constructed.
It took a few moments but my breathing was slowly turning back to normal and the beeping decreased it's noise.
"That's not possible. No, no it's not possible. I've never had sex with any-"
I stopped mid sentence.
I was wrong.
I have had sex before.
With Niall on our honeymoon.
"What did you tell me the other day, Nina? That you lost your innocence to Niall? I'm sorry, baby girl. It's true."
I started to get a peculiar feeling in my stomach as I choked back sobs.
"I think I'm gonna be sick again."
Not because there's my baby inside of me, but because I can't believe I had a baby that is no longer connected to me.
"Alright, shh, shh. Drink some water. Just breathe." Louis helped me.
After a few moments, I didn't feel the need to get sick.
I was silent, actually, the whole room was.
Hanging my head down, I started to cry before they turned into sobs.
How could I do this?
How could I not know?
Were the beginning stomach pains my baby?
No, no, you can't feel the baby kick until later on.
So when did I lose the baby?
How did I lose the baby?
Was it a boy or girl?
Blue or brown eyes?
My lips or Niall's lips?
I have too many unanswered questions, some that will never be solved.
Dr. Finn came back in the room after Zayn grabbed him.
"So, I'm sure you'd like to know some medical answers and I'd like to inform you what happened so you don't have unanswered questions." He said.
I nodded lightly and looked at the boys.
"U-Uh, how did I los- how did the baby di- um, how did this happen?" I finally got out.
I don't know how to approach this question.
"Well, the miscarriage was caused by high levels of stress. Stress while pregnant can be a very life threatening to the baby. Can you think of how you could've been stressed?"
Oh, no.
I know exactly where the stress came from.
"Uhm, my husband had an accident and he's had amnesia. That's where my stress came from." I said.
"I'm sorry to hear that." Dr. Finn said. "Any other questions?"
"Why was I throwing up blood if I wasn't internally bleeding?"
This one stumped me the most I think.
The other boys too.
"When a miscarriage happens, blood will often come from the vagina, causing some women to think it's just a normal menstrual cycle. Especially women like you who didn't know they were pregnant. It's rare occasions though that there will be no spotting, but in fact blood thrown up, causing people to think they're bleeding internally. I'm glad you got here as soon as you did though. If you hadn't, you would've died within 24 hours."
I gasped, feeling my heart pick up speed.
Harry grabbed onto my hand this time for comfort.
"Any other questions?"
"No."
I occupied myself with my lap again and Louis spoke up.
"Actually, I have a question." He said. "Now, Nina has miscarried in the past. With having now two miscarriages, could that put her at risk for becoming infertile or making it harder to deliver a baby?"
That's a good question.
And I forgot I miscarried before.
Back when Tom had gotten ahold of me...
I shivered at the thought.
"It won't make you infertile, but it may make it a little harder to get pregnant and deliver the baby. But it won't be impossible."
But Niall and I wanted at least three kids.
And now it'll be hard for me to get pregnant?
Why is everything going wrong?
"Anything else?"
"I think we're alright for now, thank you."
"You're welcome, I'm very sorry about what has happened."
Dr. Finn left the room again and I turned to the boys.
"I need to tell him." I broke the silence.
"No, not right now. Not with his situation. We'll tell him when he remembers you." Louis said, shaking his head.
"It was his baby, Louis! His baby that he had been wanting to make for so long! And I lost it. I broke and crushed his dreams, just because I was stressed. I'm a horrible person."
"No, you're not, Nina. It was just a little accident. You can still give Niall his kids he wants. You'll just have to try again."
Try again.
I can't.
If Niall doesn't remember, we'll never make a baby.
There will be no Baby Horan from me if he doesn't remember.
If I hadn't lost this baby, there would be at least one Baby Horan if the worst were to happen.
I could've delivered the baby and been a mommy to Niall's child.
But now that I think about it, I don't think I could've had the baby.
How horrible would that be for me?
To have my husbands child when he doesn't even know who I am?
I would fall apart, especially if the baby looked somewhat like Niall.
I couldn't do it.
"Stop it. Nina, stop." Louis scolded.
I looked up to him with bloodshot eyes.
"I know what you're doing. Stop thinking this is your fault. Stop thinking Niall will never remember you. Stop thinking about what it would've been like to have the baby. Stop it. You're hurting yourself by doing that."
"You don't understand, Louis. You don't. I don't know what to do right now. I'm so damn lost in my life right now and I'm scared. I'm confused, I'm scared, and I'm broken. So I'm sorry that I can't stop thinking about the negatives. But at the moment, those are the only things in my life."
"Alright, why don't you rest a little? You're obviously really overwhelmed right now and some sleep may help you a little. Just get some sleep and I promise you it'll be better later on."
I decided that wasn't a bad idea and closed my eyes before drifting off to sleep.