Ghosting Madness

Chapter 17

17: The First Times
"So this is the glitter
of feeling the butterflies
with people within my circles."

Hindi naging madali ang mga sumunod na araw.

Simula nang gumawa sila ng eksena sa parking basement ng mall, nagiging aligaga ako sa tuwing makikita ko sila. It's clear to me that there is a certain extent or fine line between me and those two, who after witnessing my grand parade, suddenly came rushing like wolves to the little red riding hood. I know how to set my boundaries on them but their actions . . . are weird and a bit of frustrating me, especially Dean.

"Hindi ko siya bibitawan. Hindi na," dagdag pa niya saka lalong hinigpitan ang hawak sa kamay ko.

I was totally flabbergasted when he said those words to Madness. What was he trying to imply? Dapat na ba akong kabahan? Sa darating na Biyernes pa naman ang huli kong shift bago mag-Pasko, at siguradong magkikita kami. I don't know how to face him after that.

Because there is clearly no way that the same set-up we have will occur.

"See you later."

Madness said, on the other hand, like I'm not going to regret seeing him for later. Usually he would pop out of nowhere during his break time to cling himself on my shoulders. But these past few days, he would appear like wild mushrooms to shoo away some boys surrounding me and asking for my number.

Territorial as always.

"Ito na nga ba ang sinasabi ko," he mumbled and slightly messed his hair.

"Just ignore them, okay? But if they're girls, especially your seniors, grab the opportunity. Shine on the limelight," he said then patted me on the head. He walked me from the parking area to the entrance of the education building, with the same set of smiles and eyes that sparkles every time he talks to me.

I barely looked at him-no, I didn't look at him at all.

I'm afraid that having direct eye contact with him will just make me realize how he intends to keep me to himself. And I don't like that.

Lunes. Nasa loob ako ngayon ng huling klase bago mag-Christmas break. Wala na kaming lecture sa susunod na mga araw dahil sa Huwebes, ang long quiz namin at deadline ng mga output sa minor subjects. Pero sa halip na makinig ako sa itinuturo ng prof namin ay nag-i-scribble lang ako ng mga question mark sa likod ng notebook ko.

Kung nagsasalita lang siguro 'to, matagal na 'tong nagreklamo dahil sa dami ng mga tanong ko sa buhay.

Totoo naman, eh. Binabagabag ako ng mga nito . . . lalong-lalo na ang dahilan kung bakit ako pinapapili ni Daela sa kanilang dalawa.

I sighed, almost whispering. Then, I opened my inbox to read our latest conversation.

Daela Lyn: 'Busy lang ako, bhie. Magpa-Pasko na kaya habol-habol din ng mga req sa sched!'

Joshel: Ako rin. See you soon. :)

Argh! Kinakabahan ako sa kaniya. Ilang araw na rin akong tumatawag sa kaniya pero napapansin kong nagiging maikli ang mga oras na magkausap kami.

I want to believe her. Magsisimula na ang break namin, at maging ako, busy na rin sa mga kailangang tapusing output bago mag-review para sa ilang majors na magpapa-long quiz. Wala na kasi kaming finals, buti naman.

I want to trust her. Pero nangingibabaw pa rin ang mga pag-aalinlangan ko . . . na baka hindi ko na kilala ang taong naging ate at kaibigan ko.

Natural na hindi ko nababasa ang utak niya, unless kung psychic ako. Pero hindi naman siya ganito noon, eh. She's very open to me. She would tell me if she's feeling unwell on certain situations. Natatawa ako dahil noon, nagra-rant pa siya sa'kin kapag maling kulay ng underwear ang naisusuot niya sa isang araw.