Disenchanted (Frerard) Wattys2015

Chapter 4

"Daddy why are you sleeping on the couch?" Kyle whispered looking scared and heart broken, "Do you hate Mommy?"

"No." I chuckled, "No I-I was...just having nightmares."

"You should've come sleeped with me, I don't have nightmares when I sleep with you." He smiled sitting on my chest. "Next time you can sleep with me."

"Thanks kiddo, I'll remember that." I smiled widely messing up his hair with my free hand, the other was being played with in Kyle's hands.

He let go of my hands and walked over to the TV turning it on, before coming back to the couch and sitting on my lap once I had sat up. "Oh and your phone keeps going off." He handed me my phone. I looked down my eyes widening when I realized it was half past eleven, I also had several text messages.

"Where's Mommy?" I asked, noticing our bedroom door was open and she wasn't in there, she also wasn't in the en suite or kitchen.

"I don't know." He shrugged turning his attention back to whatever it was he was watching on the TV.

God I was an idiot, why? Why was I so weak. I disappointed myself by breaking, by letting myself love Gerard, I ran away because I thought it would benefit me, I stayed away because I thought it would benefit me and then I just break. Why did the motherfucker have to come to New York City of all places, there are so many other places in the US, why here? Why now?

Most important question why did I flip at Katie? It's not her fault, it would never be her fault and now she's walked out, god knows where and my son thinks we hate each other. Sometimes I wonder what the fuck I did wrong, why did I make life ate me so much, sure I hate life, but only because it treats me so badly, what did I do to life?

Zoning back into the real world, I unlocked my phone reading the messages I had. Not surprisingly I had four from Gerard and one from Katie.

G - Hey Frankie, what you doing today?xoxox

G - I'm free through to thurs xoxox

G - Frank don't even think about ignoring me again, please you promised me this!

G - I can't believe I sat and believed the bullshit you fed me, I'm such an idiot. Oh yeah and FUCK YOU!

I looked at the times for the messages, the first two were about eight this morning, the second ten and the last only ten minutes ago. Sucking up all want to reply and agree to meet up, I exited the conversation reading the message from Katie.

Katie - I'm at my Mom's be back by 4 :)

Leaning back onto the arm of the couch, Kyle leaning on me, I made absolutely sure I kept all my emotions bottled. Jesus Christ I'm a twenty-three year-old man and all I want to do is cry, that makes me feel so, so pathetic. What was I doing with my life, really? How many twenty-three year-old men do you know who are married to a woman they don't even know their feelings about, have a four year-old kid, work at a fucking gay strip club, haven't spoken to any of their friends and family in five years and just so happen to love the teacher they were fucking in high school? Oh that's right you don't, because no normal person with a fucking life live like this.

Running away was the biggest mistake of my life, unless I kill myself or someone I love - which I certainly won't - I can assure I will never ever  make a mistake as big as that was. I wouldn't let myself believe it was the wrong decision until it was too late, I only realized I should never have left when Katie fell pregnant. Sure I was a bastard once, I ran away from the people who cared and the people I loved because I was scared, but I wasn't going to do it again. I know now, and I knew then, I should've gone back but I had Kyle to look after and I knew if I went back there was no way I could have Gerard, I couldn't bring myself to leave Katie alone with Kyle.