Mavery

Thirty-five

Grieving over my little angel's lost, i gave up finding something for forgiveness. Not just for those who betrayed me but for my self too. Everything that has happened caught me off guard. The pain, the regrets made me feel stoned.

It made me hate him more.

"Uh-Mavs?" Marga, Kyle's wife called out from the door.

I brought my attention on her as i show a weak smile. Kyle was the only one left to run to. I have been staying with him and his family for almost a week now.

I left Austin right after our son's funeral. I just can't. I can't live with the man who ruined every part of me.

"I-is everything okay?" i asked her as she looked like she has to say something. "He's downstairs..." she sighed. He never learned.

He never let a day pass without trying to talk to me.

"Is he drunk?" i asked. She answered me a short "No."

I sat on the edge of the bed trying my very best not to remember the things he had done to me.

"I'm sorry Marg, i'll find somewhere else to stay as soon as i can." I said signalling her that i won't face Austin.

I might never.

She sighed and quietly closed the door, leaving. I wiped my  tears. I did not know that i was crying. I let myself collapsed on the bed. How i wish this all would be over.

---

"Mavery..." Austin calls as i walk right to the stairs. "Mavs come on, talk to me..." he added following me. I did not even look back to him, i walked straightly to our room to get the suitcase that i left few days ago. I went inside and started to find where he might put it when we left. Finding the thing that i was looking for, i was stopped for seeing my wedding gown and his suit on the other side. Tears automatically streamed on my face. I wiped them and drag my suitcase.

"What the-" i kneeled down, confused. My suitcase was weightless. I stood up rubbing my temples and face him.

"What the fuck is this?" i spat as i look at his still sored eyes. He sighed so deep fighting his tears. "I-i don't-" i shut him by shouting."Don't what?! You really expect me to stay here with you after everything you did to me?! Huh?!" i watched as his tears started to show. "You have no idea-you have no fucking idea how you ruined me..." i said starting to shake.

"B-babe... i-" he reached for my hand and i immediately resisted.

"Enough!!!" i shouted and he was taken aback. "You're the reason why he's gone... You did this to him!!! How could you let this happen!?" i started hitting him on his chest. But he was just there, standing and taking all of my actions, looking down at me, crying.

"What else do you want from me!!!?"  i continued. He held both of my arms and pulled me closer to him, prisoning me in his arms. His embrace were so tight. I was stopped and just cried.

"I should've died from that accident... After all there's nothing to live for now. You just-took him away from me..." i cried. He sobbed while reaching for my hand.

"Forgive m-me... P-please... I can't lose you too..." he sobbed.

My heart shatters as i watch him cry. I never saw him like this. He never cried like this before... He has never looked hurt like this.

"P-please..." he got down on his knees. I looked down at him.

"P-p-please... i can't lose you now, i-i don't know what i would do without you... Oh God please..." he buried his face on my stomach, sobbing.

We stayed like that for some time. I looked down at him with my tears still falling. I held his face and kneeled down too. He was closing his eyes. I bit my lips to stop myself from breaking down again. I stole seconds to picture his face for the last time. I held his face and wiped his streaming tears.

He opened his eyes.

"I'll wait for my things outside." i whispered and he weakly bowed his head, letting his weight sit himself on the floor. I slowly stood up and walked to the door. After gripping the knob, i looked back at him still sobbing.

He's feeling weak enough to stop me. I shut my eyes for a second and completely left him.

---

"Mavery," i opened my eyes and saw Kyle with his cute little angel in his arms. "Shoot, i fell asleep." i sat up forcing a smile.

"Sorry, but you haven't eaten anything today and Marg was getting so worried so," he sighed. "Oh... Kyle i feel so embarrased, i am so sorry..." i tapped my head.

He pulled my arm to get up. "Eat up then," he said slightly smiling. I stared at him. "If you really are embarrassed you better eat up then." he added as he started to rock the cooing baby in his arms.

"Okay okay okay, i'll eat up." i said leaving them inside the room. Right after passing the door, i looked back to him.

I watched as he tries to stop his baby from crying. I did not help but to imagine how would it feels to see Austin doing those kind of baby things. What would he say to make the baby stop from crying... What would he look like whenever he's doing the formula... What would he do if the baby cooes passed bed time...

"Mavs, you okay?" Kyle brought my flying mind back to reality. I wiped my cheeks and and made a weak smile.

"Y-yeah, i was just wondering-" is stopped my stupidty. "-wondering if you have eaten already? it's better if you join us." i added.

He smiled and waved his hand. "Okay okay i'll be down in a moment." he said then in just a split second he brought his attention to his child.

I sighed and headed downstairs.