To Our Own Beat (Urban)

Emotions

*Informative A/N at the end*

Ricky 

"As I stand before you today, I would like to thank you all for being here and sharing in the remembrance of my mother, Teresa Shaw. She was a loving mother and the best dance instructor that money could buy. I know she will be dearly missed by all of us." I said, glancing around the chapel at all the mourning guest.  

"She was more than just my mom. She was my father, my best friend and my confidant. We were inseparable until I got into a relationship but even then we were still attached. Many people are surprised that I'm not broken up about this but, to be honest it would have been selfish of me to want her to still be here suffering. I'm happy she's not suffering anymore. She finally gets a chance to rest." I smiled, glancing over at her casket.  

"To wrap this up I'd like to leave you all with words that my mom lived. If you really knew my mother you knew that she was a huge Kem fan. One of her favorite songs by Kem was Cherish this Moment.  a particular verse in the song goes like this,  

I'm not overwhelmed with gloom even though it's sad girl 
'Cause after lovin' someone like you 
What in the world could be so bad 
No guarantees that this time will come again baby 
So cherish this moment 
No guarantees that our love will be like this again girl 
So let's cherish this moment baby 

If my mom never taught me a single thing, she taught me to cherish every moment you have with a person. There's no guarantee that you'll get to share those precious moments again so take advantage of them now. Thank you all for coming. " I said before walking off of the stage and taking my seat in the front row.  

Everything after my speech was a blur. I was numb to everything. I was silent as we made the processional over to the cemetery, I was silent as they raised my mother's casket and pushed it into the wall, and  I was silent as they sealed her in. That was it. I would never see my mother ever again.  

Reagan 

There's a light shining on you. 
And baby I'm trembling inside. 
Loved a woman that I barely knew, 
I must've been outta mind. 

Ohhh I 
I ll never hurt you again 
Girl I 
I know you deserve a better man 
Hey I 
I was a fool to ever let you down 
So why would you stay? 

Woman I beg your forgiveness 
And I'll do whatever it takes 
And may the Lord be my witness 
Honey I never meant to treat you this way 
Sugar your heart has been broken 
But I could still see true love shine in your eyes 
When every word has been spoken 
Woman I'll love you for the rest of my life 

Ohhh I 
I ll never hurt you again 
Girl I 
I know you deserve a better man 
Hey I 
I was a fool to ever let you down 
So why would you stay? 

I stood outside of Ricky's room and listened as he sung Why Would You Stay? by Kem. He was dealing with so many different emotions, I could only imagine how he feels. And yet and still I haven't seen him drop a single tear.  

I pushed the door open as the song ended. I stood in the doorway until he looked my way.  

"It’s a ton of food out there so I brought you some. You haven't ate in two days. That's not healthy, boo." I told  him 

"I'm not hungry, baby." he told me. I wanted to protest but I left it alone and sat the food on the night stand and headed toward the door to return to the repast.  

"Wait, baby. Come back." he called out to me. 

"What's up?" I asked him.  

"Let me hold you." he said.  

I climbed on the bed and sat in between his legs. He wrapped his arms around my waist and laced his fingers in between mine. We just sat there in silence before he spoke.  

"The hardest part for me is not that my mom died but how she died. Do you know how it feels to look into your mothers eyes and she doesn't even know who you are? Twenty seven years I've been on this earth with mom and before she died it was if I didn't exist." he vented, shaking his head.  

Silence fell over the room again. A few seconds later I felt water hit my arm. It was actually Ricky's tears. I repositioned my body so that I was straddling his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let him bury his head into my neck. I let him cry until he couldn't cry anymore.  *****************

A/N: Hey everybody! I know its short but I'm not sure where I wanna go with Reagan and Ricky at this point. Should I close the book here or keep on going? WHat ya'll think? We'll see soon.       But anyway.....writing this made me really emotional because I lost my father to colon cancer two years ago. It was rough. I knew my dad had cancer, unlike Ricky but, my dad was stubborn just like Ms. Teresa.  My dad's cancer spread to his liver an his lungs which made it almost impossible for him to live. The chemo stopped working and if he would've had surgery, he woulda died on the table.

Ricky's sentiments about his mom not recognizing him during her last days really happened with me and my dad. The cancer destroyed my dad's liver and in some way it affected his brain which caused confusion and memory loss. So literally, I was in my father's face and he didn't know who I was or even my mother.

My dad was a champ though. He was only supposed to live two years but he lived for five. I'm happy because he's not in pain anymore. The last time we spoke he said it felt like something was crawling around in his stomach smh.

I will never forget how his eyes lit up when I came home one day before we took him to the hospital. My dad went in the hospital on a Monday and died on a Friday.

But anywaay thats a little about me and how the inspiration to write Ms. Teresa's story came about. An update will be posted later this week.

COMMENT!!!!!!