Saviour (Jayy Von Monroe)

nineteen - dont bother breaking the door down, ive made my way out

TRIGGER WARNING OF SELF HARM

[Jayy's POV]

The moment Perrie told me our baby was dying, I literally wanted to break down. I had been so excited for fatherhood. I had so many stuff I had bought for the baby to give to Perrie, and now...now we couldn't use them. For our baby, won't make it   out of Perrie alive.

Perrie stared out the window as we drove home, tears falling down her face. She looked dazed, one hand cradling her belly, the other intertwined with mine. I knew when she got home, she'd want to be alone. And that was what I was gonna give her. I'd spend some time with Dahvie.

Dahvie's in the backseat crying quietly. He had wanted Perrie to name the baby after him if it was a boy, and after me if it was a girl. And now that could never happen. The tears brimmed in my eyes, and I had to force them back. Perrie looked over at me, moving to where she could lean on my shoulder. I held her as best as I could while driving, feeling her tears soak my shirt.

It just wasn't fair. Why did it have to be Pez? She was looking forward to seeing her baby for the first time. She even decided on where and how she wanted to deliver: at home and naturally. She was deadset against using drugs, and she hates doctors. So she was doing what she thought was best for her and the baby. And she was right.

But now it was over.

[Perrie's POV]

The boys were taking this as hard as I was. We were all ready to become a huge family, and it crushed them--especially Dahvie--that it wouldn't happen. I tried my best to stay strong until I was behind closed doors. I knew having them see me broken down would make it worse on them.

Jayy pulled up to the house, parking. I climbed out of the car, walking to the door. I unlocked it for Jayy and Dahvie, looking back to see them walking slowly towards me.

"Guys, come on. I'll make you guys something to eat," I said, letting them in

"No, you go and lie down. We'll order something and call you down when it's here," Jayy protested

I sighed, "I'm sorry about all of this, you know,"

"Don't be sorry. It's not your fault." Jayy said, "Just go upstairs. I'll be up there if you want me too," Jayy said

Dahvie disappeared to go call for some food, and I just wrapped my arms around Jayy. He hugged me back, resting his cheek in my hair. I felt the tears fall, and I found myself sobbing into his arms. He tightened his grip on me, rubbing my back.

As I was crying, I felt another pair of arms wrap around us. I looked over, and saw Dahvie hugging both of us. I held open my arm, letting him join. Jayy did the same, and then we found ourselves crying in a circle. A devastated family who lost something that was so precious. A family who were too strong, but couldn't fight the tears.

I kissed both of their cheeks, before pulling away. I bounded up the stairs, locking my bedroom door and racing to my bathroom. I looked around the cabinet, seeing what I had hidden for almost three months. That nobody knew about, that nobody was supposed to know about.

My beloved razor.

I stared at it, knowing my consequences, but not really caring. I pressed the edge to my wrist, feeling it dig into my pale skin. I squeezed my eyes shut, before dragging it across my skin. I clenched my lip in my teeth, holding back a scream. I cut a few times more, before tossing the razor back into it's hiding place and washing my arm.

I threw on Jayy's "BOTDF" hoodie, heading back downstairs. I found Dahvie and Jayy standing up, about to head for the door.

"Where are you going?" I asked quietly