𝐒𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐋𝐢𝐞𝐬 || 𝐌.𝐀𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐮

Moxie||11

1st P.O.V.

Moxie
force of character, determination, or nerve.

Tossing the blanket around, letting out huge sighs and exaggerated exhales from my flared nostrils, I sat up and stared blankly at the blank ceiling. Who would have guessed it anyways? That I'll be a manager for a volleyball club which I hugely obliged to. Fate... what is my fate? To die at a young age? To die at an old age? To kill someone and be sent in prison? To help other? To get you heart broken at least 2times in a row? Fate always didn't choose my side, so that's why I gave up on changing my destiny.

My eyes tiredly fluttered themselves open, I threw my back to the mattress looking for the feeling of it again. I placed my arms behind my head to procrastinate till I fell asleep, but I couldn't and that was the problem. I wasn't able to fall asleep. Ever since those horrid memories came racing at me, nightmares that never ended, nightmares that happened even in the broad daylight. This was fate for me, though I can't say I have the worst life, I must be lucky for having to live under roof while some children or people maybe sleeping on the streets. I always try to look at things on the other side, like being in my mom's point of view of why she's always mad at me for no reason, but I can't find answer to it.

What is it that I'm looking for in my life? Love? Happiness? A beautiful family? Or comfort? I never once had known what I was looking for nor what did I want to achieve, being a doctor perhaps? Or being a a chemist? None of those things seemed to have to appeal but my mother had always pushed me to it. What did I want? Maybe I know the answer to this, it was to see my brother breathing again. I want to hear his heart beat, his voice than once sang me lullabies. Maybe that's what I want, well it is truly what I long for.

Reaching my hand up to the ceiling, reaching out my hand, I looked between the space of my fingers and stared at them. What do I want to know? The feeling of comfort maybe? The feeling of happiness? The feeling of forgiveness? The feeling of love? These words that you may understand because of knowledge but never know the feeling of it. Yes I do have friends, I do receive comfort from them but never have I once received comfort from my mother or my love one. Yes I do know happiness, but it had been so long I forgot what it felt like. Yes I do know love, I had received from my friends but never had I once received love from my mother or my love one.

"Happiness it seems you have forgotten my address." I smiled bitterly, clenching my fist and then slamming them back down to the bed. I close my eyes, I embraced my pillow and engulfed the warmth of the blankets. "I just want to be forgiven." I balled my body and bring my pillow closer to my chest, I just want to be forgiven...

It wasn't too long when the alarm clock started ringing, I slammed my hand to the phone to turn it off and rolled myself to the blankets. Four more days till weekend, 90 hours more till Saturday. I ripped off the sheets that was placed above and hopped off the bed and did my morning routine. I wake up earlier than the two, technically 2hours before them. I need to make food for them and also prepare for myself, one time I remember Reiko called me "mom" because I took care of them better than anyone else. I pitied the two, I heard that they always had to eat unhealthy stuff because Rintarō doesn't know how to cook, their babysitter was also useless from what I heard.

"I-I should make onigiris for the team." I'm not being nice, I guess. The only reason I'm doing this because I'm going to make volleyball practice a hundredfold harder. If they want to win then let it be like that, I'll train them hard and make their hard-work pay off. They have huge potential, a huge space for growth. They are indeed strong but they aren't strong enough to even stand against the top school that won volleyball nationals for 4years straight, I'll polish them, hone their skills and do everything to make them better.