Sanders Sides Oneshots [REQUESTS OPEN]

Incorrect Quotes [No Ship]

What people think six guys living in the same apartment is like: Stinky socks, dirty clothes everywhere, at least one guy who collects beer cans, dishes piling up, constant 'bro talk' (about women and like the gym, I guess?), no sense of hygiene, basically a frat house. No one cares enough to clean and no one does laundry, most of the guys have a job, there's the one who just sleeps on the couch all day (his name's Dave), they can't get any girls because they're surrounded by gross men. (Yucky)

What six guys living in the same apartment is actually like: Logan's screaming because Remus stole his charger again, Virgil's on top of the fridge eating an entire package of Oreos and having a mental breakdown, Roman is singing show-tunes at the top of his lungs from his room, Janus is chilling on the couch eating Doritos and watching the Titanic for the tenth time this week, and Patton's trying to make cookies and not burn the kitchen down. Logan's the mom, he makes sure they all do the dishes, yes there's a chore wheel, no stinky men in his house. Remus does his best to piss off Logan and exclusively talks out loud to Janus (He has glossophobia, more than one person is too many). Patton tells dad jokes and comforts anyone who needs it, mostly being Virgil and Roman, who are prone to breakdowns. Roman entertains by fighting with his brother and doing renditions of plays. Janus spends his time eating, talking to Remus, and pissing off everyone aside from Remus and Virgil. Virgil, who has agoraphobia (anxiety disorder, a fear of leaving an environment the person considers safe) and doesn't leave the apartment, sometimes for weeks on end, and likes to piss off Roman and Janus, usually.

Logan: I'M ReVOKING YOUR TOILET PAPEr PRIVELEdGEs, HAVE FUN GETTING CREATIVE! *screeched at the top of his lungs at Remus after he's gotten his charger back*

Remus: Suck my ass. *signed at Logan from on top of the bar*

~-~

Virgil: Ha that's funny! *laughs at some seriously dark moment on T.V.*

Janus: *Starts laughing with Virgil*

Patton: Nope, that is n o t a moment we laugh at-

~-~

Janus: I'm so useless *Said dramatically as he flops onto couch*

Patton: No you're not! *happened to be passing by with a basket full of laundry*

Virgil: *in the corner of the room, rocking himself back and forth* You can be used as a bad example-

Patton: Virgil nO-

Remus: *next to Janus on the couch* Maybe for once, someone could call me 'sir', without adding 'You're making a scene'-

~-~

Virgil, at some point: Why do you have a diary?

Roman: *holding back tears as he scribbles furiously* To keep secrets from my computer.

~-~

Remus: *talking to Janus, alone* Welcome back to mah channel in which I will try different hair care products!

Janus: Remus, n-

Remus: *sprays hairspray in his mouth*

Remus: Well, right off the bat I can tell you this is not a good one.

~-~

Logan: I relate to Belle because she loves knowledge and typically accepts people for who they are.

Roman: I relate to Tinkerbell because she needs attention or she dies.

~-~

Roman, betrayed: *because Janus stole his Maleficent poster* You tricked me!

Janus: No, I merely deceived you. 'Tricked' makes it sound like we have a playful relationship.

~-~

Logan: *bad at flirting* I like your name.

Patton: *equally as bad also pun time* Thanks, I got it for my birthday!

~-~

Patton: *sharpens knife* We've got ways of making people talk.

Patton: *cuts piece of cake*

Virgil: ...can I have some?

Patton: Cake is for talkers.

~-~

Patton: *dumping a Walmart bag full of Lunchables onto the table* Tonight, we feast!

Logan: And now you too are officially on the 'not-allowed-to-grocery-shop' list.

~-~

Remus: Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.

Logan: Please never become a surgeon.

~-~

Virgil: Did Roman just tell me he loved me for the first time?

Logan: *doesn't look up from book* Affirmative.

Virgil: And did I do finger guns back?

Janus: *flipping through horror movies* Yeah, you did.

~-~

Patton, to Roman: Things have actually been going really well with Logan! Our friendship is in a really good place.

Patton, beaming: Last week I said, "Did you know the weiner dog is neither a weiner nor a dog?" Instead of saying, "Shut up, Patton," he said, "Okay."

Roman: Ah... That's good? Padre! *Awkward*

~-~

Logan: *signs apartment lease with a glitter gel pen*

~-~

Virgil: Look, let's just agree to say "I'm sorry" on the count of three.

Virgil: One, two, three.

Virgil:

Roman:

Virgil: See, now I'm just disappointed in both of us.

~-~

Janus, to Virgil: I dare you to—

Logan: *doesn't look up from laptop* Virgil isn't allowed to accept dares.

Virgil: Apparently I have "no regard for my personal safety" *air quotes and sarcastic expression*

~-~

Patton: I am very small.

Patton: And I have no money.

Patton: So you can imagine the kind of stress I'm under.

Logan: Don't distract me with quotes from my favorite comedian, you still dRaNk sOaP for 50 cEnTs--