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One Week Later.
The hardest part about this all isn't the process of detoxing from the drugs or trying to allow myself to trust everyone again, yes both were horrible and bad, but the worst thing had to be when I was around my babies.
Watching them watch me as though I was a stranger. As though I didn't carry them around for almost nine months in my stomach. As though I didn't almost lose my life to give them life. As though I was nothing to them.
I was a stranger.
And that hurt.
It really fucking hurt.
But I was pushing through it.
Hence why I was here today, sat opposite my therapist exactly as I had been the past few days.
"And how do you feel about that now?" Steph my therapist asked.
"Okay I guess. I feel better physically but not so much mentally. I'm still flinching at small sounds and I'm jumping everyone someone scares me even if it's not on purpose." I admitted.
Knowing this was a safe space and that she was here to do nothing but help me.
"That's understandable Lavender. It will take time, and a few more sessions with me but I'm sure we can get this sorted out for you in no time. You've experience a lot of trauma... I'm honestly surprised at how well you have handled yourself, not many people are as strong as you, nor do most have the support system that you do. I know you're hurt with what your friends Andy and Issac-Holland did to your children, but you know deep down it wasn't their fault. You're just trying to put the blame on them, when really the one who is at fault is still running around facing no consequences." I nodded at her words, watching as she wrote a few things down as she spoke as she always did.
"I know... I just need some more time I guess."
"And that is completely understandable Lavender... Look our session is over for the day and I believe your partner is probably bored sitting out in that car of his." I rolled my eyes and smiled a little.
"I don't know why he insists on driving me and staying in the parking lot but he does it anyway." I spoke as I grabbed my phone from beside me, standing up.
"He's just looking out for you. And seems to care about you a lot. He sounds like a special one Lavender, don't let him go. And if you're open to the idea of it, I'd really like to have him join us for a session." She nodded.
"Of course. I think it'd be quiet... Therapeutic for us. And honestly Steph, out of all the shitty things that have happened in my life, he's definitely been the best thing to come out of this, in line with the twins of course. I just wish we weren't in such a weird place." I said honestly.
