WHEREVER /JJK

Chapter 11 - Sacrifices

Jeon's arms went around her, cradling her head against his shoulder, his other hand rubbing her back gently. It was unbelievable, he was angry with her all this time but now here he is comforting her. She was afraid to hug him back, thinking it might jinx this moment.

Her sobbing stopped, she was hiccupping in such an undignified manner that it embarrassed her. She didn't know how long they stood that way, but she kept her face buried against his shoulder, drinking in his scent. The damned hiccups had a life of their own though and pretty soon he broke away from her.

"Stay here, ok? I'll be back."

He seated her first then jogged away. Quickly, she hand-combed her hair and blotted out the tears under her eyes with her hands. She wondered if he was really coming back. But just as she was already getting paranoid, he was back with a bottle of water. He unscrewed the cap and wordlessly gave the bottle to her.

She took a few gulps and her hiccups were gone. Jeon sat beside her, his hands on his sides curled over the edge of the bench. For a brief moment, their hands touched, but she forced herself to move her hand away.

"Are you ok?"

He wasn't looking at her. She glanced at him, noting the sadness in his eyes looking down at his feet.

"I've had better days. Can you stay for a while? I promise I won't say anything, just stay with me, Jeon."

"Okay."

They just sat there looking at the waves. The moon was a thin crescent slice but there were stars on the clear sky and the air was cool. She closed her eyes, remembering the days when Jeon would drive to the beach with her and they watched the sun go down at the horizon, feasting on ice cream, chips, and fried chicken.

"Jia, I'm sorry for being so harsh on you."

"It's ok, I deserved it, Jeon."

"No, I was hurt but my reaction was too much."

"Jeon, Can we just forget about that? I hope we can be friends again. We don't need to go back to the way we were, I understand. I just want you to stop being angry with me."

Ah fuck she was crying again.

"I'm not anymore. Jia, stop crying please."

"I'm so stupid. I wish I could take it all back. Nina scared me into thinking I could lose my contracts if a scandal came out about us. I panicked, I'm so sorry."

"I understand you better now. Jin explained things to me."

"He did? Oh, God bless him."

He took the bottle of water from her and drank a few gulps. She watched in fascination as he drank, head thrown back, his left hand making a fist clasping the bottle cover, his adam's apple moving up and down as he gulped. How is watching a man drink water so absorbing?

Really Jia, in the middle of this drama you chose to ogle at your best friend.

He really is the most handsome guy she'd ever laid eyes on. She felt so pathetic that in the middle of this breakthrough she was gushing like an adolescent over her best friend's looks, at this age.

"Jia?"

"Huh?"

"Are we good?"

"I guess so. Jeon?"

"Can you tell me something about Hei-Won?"

He hesitated. Did he do the right thing, jumping into a relationship with someone he hadn't seen for a long time, even before he was completely over Jia? 

"Hei-Won was my girlfriend back in high school. We broke up when I left for the US." He looked at her, hoping he wouldn't hurt her with his next words.

"You know Jeon, I just realized there are so many things I didn't know about you. Like you could sing so well. Damn. I now cringe at all those times I sang while you drove us to the beach. And Hei-Won. You never talked about her. Why?"

"I didn't see any need to talk about her. She's not a secret, just someone from my past."

"Not anymore."

"I wasn't myself when I arrived in Seoul. Eomma thought that seeing my friends again would help me recover. She invited Hei-Won and my friends to celebrate Chuseok together with us at home."

"Are you ok now Jeon?"

Was he? Truth is, he wasn't, not fully. She still crosses his mind ever so often. He still wonders how she is all this time, even when he sees her at work. The realization surprised him. But admitting that was the last thing he would do.

"Yes, Jia. Hei-Won helped make me get better."

"Do you love her?"

She steeled herself for his answer. This was make or break she guessed. If he loves Hei-Won then it must be really over for them. Jeon didn't even hesitate.

"Yes Jia. I love her. I wouldn't be back with her now if I didn't."

"So.......What you felt for me, what was that?" She sounded so hurt. 

"Jia, what I felt for you was very different than what I feel for her."

She turned to face him, and it hurt him to see her face this way. She looked devastated,  and he was wracked with guilt because he caused her this pain.

"Make me understand, Jeon."

How could he make her understand? How could he tell her that Hei-Won was the calm presence he needed during that time when his feelings for her were creating turmoil inside him? Hei-Won nursed him back to his old self and he loved her for that. He loved her openness, her generosity to give time to him, even when he admitted he had feelings for someone else.

"I'm sorry Jia. I don't know how to explain it. I hesitate to explain because I might end up hurting you more than I already am."

"Do you still have feelings for me? Was it so easy to let go?"

She was holding on to his hand, with an imploring look on her face. He took her hand and tried to soften the blow.

"Jia, you are and will always be my good friend."

He let go of her hand and stood up to leave. He had to walk away now because he didn't want her to see that he was lying and he was just as hurt as she was with his lie.