WHEREVER /JJK

Chapter 18 - Meltdown

September 1, 2020

Hei-Won

It was Jeon's birthday and Hei-Won was anxious. She had not seen Jeon for three weeks, she missed him terribly but she wanted Jeon to concentrate on his work and not worry about her. She wondered how Jia and Jeon were getting along. She hoped that by now they might have less tension between them.

She was hoping that after this three-week period apart, she might look a little better. She gained a little weight because of the hormone treatments but worried that she might be a little bloated. She wore a little make-up to spruce up her looks, hoping to cover-up the bloating.

Her bell rang. She took one last look at her image then walked to the door to let him in. He was hugging her even before he took a look at her. She sighed contentedly and hugged him back. She missed his scent and warmth. She could forget about her health issues with him this close.

"I missed you."

"Happy Birthday, Kookie."

He loosened his hold on her and kept her at arms' length, looking at her. He was looking at her with a happy smile and kissed her full on the mouth.

"You look so pretty," Jeon said, still smiling.

"Stop staring, you're making me conscious. I look bloated."

"No you don't, you're still as pretty. Come here and hug me again."

He pulled her to him even before she could move. Such a baby, she thought fondly. She loved how clingy he was, she wouldn't have it any other way. She felt his lips kissing the top of her head. 

"Let's eat first birthday boy. I ordered all your favorite food."

They ate amid laughter, spoon-feeding each other, holding hands. Hei-Won never felt this happy. But negative thoughts kept getting in the way. Until when will they be this happy? 

"Something wrong, baby?"

"No, of course not." Her smile was forced as she tried to push the negative thoughts away. She stood up and walked towards her room. "Close your eyes, Kookie. I'm about to give you your gift."

She hoped Jeon will like her gift. He practically has everything, it was so difficult to think of something he would want. Carrying the gift gently in her arms, she slowly laid the gift in his hands and asked him to open his eyes. It was a puppy she rescued and adopted for Jeon, a shaggy-haired fur-baby that had soulful eyes.

"Happy Birthday Jungkookie."

Jeon opened his eyes to see a pair of soulful gray eyes looking back at him. Gently, he patted the puppy's head and allowed it to lick the back of his hand. He smiled widely and pulled her to him, hugging both the puppy and Hei-Won.

"Where did you find the time to get this little baby?"

"It's been two months in the making. He was brought to the dog shelter after he was found abandoned near the Han River. I fell in love with his eyes."

"I promise to take care of him. Let's call him Hei-Jun. That's our names put together."

"He'll be our baby since I can't give you one."

"Hei-Won......Don't say that."

"Sorry, I can't  help it."

"Can't you forget it even just for today?

"Why? It's true. If I could have kids at least you wouldn't be alone if I die early. I gave you this puppy so that when I'm gone—"

"For crying out loud Hei-Won, stop saying things like that."

He carried the puppy to a nearby open cage and laid it there, patting its head before he stood up to sit beside Hei-Won. He took her hand and turned her face to him.

"Hei-Won, I know it's hard, believe me, I'm trying my best to make it easier for you. But the things you say, they won't help, sweetie. Entertaining thoughts like this make things harder for us."

"Did you meet Jia today?"

"Huh? Why mention Jia all of a sudden?"

"I was just changing the subject."

"I appreciate that but why her?"

"It's your birthday. You always celebrated this with her before and she's here in Seoul now."

"So? Of all the times to talk about her, why now?"

"Because I think she can make you happier."

"DAMMIT Hei-Won!" He stood up and slapped his forehead in frustration. He was blowing air to ease his frustration. He felt his anger building up inside him. All the sleepless nights, exhaustion and stress were finally catching up on him, and it was too much, just too much for him to control.

For the past weeks, he was worried sick about her and tried his best to keep his emotions in check. He was trying to understand her, he couldn't comprehend why she kept pushing him away. 

"Jungkookie.......I just want you to be happy."

"You think Jia would make me happy? My happiness is my choice, Hei-Won. I chose to be happy with you. I'm not some lovesick adolescent whose happiness is dependent on a girl. Have you ever considered Jia's feelings? She cares about you. She stays away from me because she respects our relationship and yet you keep.....you keep pushing her towards me! Do you think this is easy for her? God. I don't know what's gotten into you."

"Please don't get angry, it's your birthday."

"Yes, it's my birthday. I was so happy to be with you again. I love your gift. I wish we could just make the most of the time we have together."

"You say that as if I'm going to die soon"

"Ok fuck, there you go again. The lumps found on you were benign."

"I have a feeling I'll go ahead of you though."

"Baby, I could pop a vein in my head and die right now. We don't know when we'll go, Hei-Won. That's why we have to make the most of the time we have. Stop assuming Jia is my happiness. Stop manipulating her. Leave her alone."

"I'm not manipulating her! I won't think this way without basis. I see how you look at her. Why can't you admit that you still have feelings for her?"

He was silent for a moment. For the first time, he felt tired and defeated.

"Ok. I can't do this right now. I had hoped, we'd get to spend the night together. Maybe I'm just tired, Hei-Won. I think it's better if I just leave."

"Go then," she said with false bravado, hoping against hope that he'd stay.

But without another word, he left.

---

Jeon didn't want to go home. He was planning to spend the night with Hei-Won and already celebrated his birthday with his parents during breakfast. He couldn't go home feeling this way and let his mother detect something was wrong between him and Hei-Won.

He drove to his apartment, thinking he might just get some work done while he was still not sleepy. As the elevator door opened, he was surprised to be face-to-face with Jia. She was as surprised as he was.

"Oh. Happy Birthday, Jeon."

"Thank you.  Did you need me for anything?"

"No. I was just excited to give you my gift but didn't know where to leave it. I assumed you would be with Hei-Won so I left my gift on your doorknob."

"I see. Thank you.'

"You look beat. Get some rest, Jeon." She was about to leave but he held her arm to stop her.

"Jia.....Can you stay for a bit?"

"I'm not really sure that's a good idea, Jeon."

"Please? You don't have to spend the night. I'll take you home."

Her mind debated. What was wrong? Why wasn't he with Hei-Won? Why was he looking sad on his birthday? 

She gave him a silent nod and went into the elevator with him.