Dreams

7

"So have you been thinking about what you want to do for Summer?" Greg asked.

Kevin idly pushed their shopping cart forward.
"I dunno," Kevin said, "I just know I don't want to be a custodian anymore."

Greg chuckled as he opened one of the fridges next to them, and grabbed a few frozen pizzas.

"You sure you have everything you need?" Greg asked.

Greg had a lot of stuff on his side of the cart's basket, but Kevin had just some soap and shampoo, and a bit of frozen food.

"What's with all the fancy real food?" Kevin asked, looking at all the vegetables that Greg had.

"Oh," Greg smiled, "me and Grace are going to make dinner together tomorrow."

"Cool," Kevin said half heartedly.

It was still... strange to him that his younger brother had a girlfriend. Meanwhile... he... he'd never gone on a date with a girl more than once.

He turned back at his brother to find that Greg had been saying something. Thankfully, it seemed like it wasn't leading to a question, and Kevin tuned out the rest.

Greg had taken control of the cart as they moved towards checkout. Kevin casually looked around him. There were some girls their age here. One was working the register that Greg took their cart into.

Kevin winced. There was one girl who looked cute. He usually felt very self conscious being so particular about what he found attractive in a girl. That was shallow. He should just be interested in all girls.

But this girl had her brunette hair done in cute braids, and had uncommonly modest clothing.

But he couldn't talk to her. He was going into checkout, and all he'd do walking up to a stranger and talking to her out of the blue was make her think he was a creep. Maybe he was just for thinking that.

Kevin put down the little divider between his stuff and Greg's, and put his few items on the conveyer belt.

"Find everything you need?" the cashier asked with a smile.

"Yeah, thanks," Kevin said.

"I like your shirt!" she said, "are you in band?"

"No," he shook his head, "I played trombone in high school."

"Cool!" the girl said, "I play mellophone in matching band."

Marching band, he though. That thing you could only handle doing for one year. You gave up tons of friends, all cause you were a wimp.

Kevin robotically put his card in the reader, and took his bagged groceries, putting them in their cart. He said thanks to the cashier and the bagger, and then walked with Greg toward the exit.

You idiot. Why can't you just talk to girls. You're 22 years old, and getting close to 23. At this rate, you're going to be 30 before you even have a girlfriend.

Kevin tore himself out of his self inflicted criticism, and tried to distract himself.

They passed a rack full of birthday cards. After that were some of those foil birthday balloons. As he looked at them, he saw that one had Ariel from The Little Mermaid on it.

He immediately tensed up mentally, trying to block out the thought. Trying to block out just one of the countless temptations that led him to sin.

"You know," Greg said, "the girl at the register was kind of cute."

"Mhm."

She wasn't exactly his type. His type had been the girl he'd seen earlier... oh gosh why couldn't get the stupid mermaid balloon out of his head!

"You could've talked to her a bit more," Greg said.

"Not really," Kevin said. He tried to focus on the conversation, not his thoughts. "You were waiting for me and all."

"I could've waited," Greg said. "And there wasn't anyone behind us."

No, Kevin thought. Don't think about it. I am NOT giving in again. I've gotten over this stupid stuff.

"You okay?" Greg laughed, putting his bags in the trunk of his car. "You seem kind of out of it."

Kevin blinked until he came into reality again, putting his groceries in the trunk as well. He didn't respond to Greg.

While Greg started up the car, Kevin put away their shopping cart. And the thoughts prodded further.

It had been two weeks since he'd last given in. He needed to keep trying. He could stop, he could escape.

But if things were going to be as challenging as it was right now, then he wasn't sure he could handle it. He felt like a weakling. He couldn't stand it. He just wanted relief...

Maybe you should talk to Greg.

No. He had been doing so well. He'd seen how full of grief his brother had been before. He didn't need to stress him out. Besides, what could Greg really say to help him?

He got back in the car. Greg didn't say anything, he just hummed quietly to himself.

You could bring it up right now. You have some time you could talk about it on the way home, without fear of anyone else getting in the way.

But he didn't bring it up to Greg.

And the pressure continued to build.