Dreams

17

But Kevin was only human.

And he failed.

He had felt like he was standing on a cloud when he'd walked inside, but his resolve had soon softened. He went to go relax, to just watch some videos, play some games...

And soon temptation came knocking. He felt so good right now. And masturbating would feel good too.

And he gave in.

He had barely even resisted.

And he wept.

There was no moment of him standing his ground. No battle to take the fortress of his mind.

He had simply let the enemy walk right through the front gate. And wasn't that Satan's way? Wasn't it much more devious, much more humiliating to the soul to lure them into choosing defeat willingly?

And with this, the enemy began laying waste to the fortress he had tried to repair. With the quick return to sin came also the fear and stress about his struggling classes.

The doubt returned over his ability to have a successful date with Amy. She would realize what a sad fool he was. He'd do something like talk the whole movie and annoy her. She'd realize that's who was - an annoying person, and want no more of him around.

No no no! He couldn't give in to that! He needed to fight it!

But the enemy was already inside. They had already conquered.

NO! Just because he was thinking that metaphor, just because he'd masturbated, it didn't mean that he couldn't pick himself up and try again!

But he'd tried that so many times! Always he had failed! Always!

Kevin's body seemed to burn as his mind became embroiled in this struggle for his soul.

Normally, the cycle of his life was one of giving into pleasure, feeling good, then rapidly receiving diminishing returns, and then feeling depressed, trying to be better, feeling like himself again, then giving in to sin again.

But then there were these rare times. Times where he refused to give in. The desires of his real self, and the things that he actually wanted in life, seemed to grind against his carnal desires like palms skinned against asphalt.

It was horrible, and he could hardly stand the pressure.

So, like he always did, he gave up. He took the coward's way out. He gave into his sin, and curled up in fear and depression. He returned to the dark, lightless world he had made for himself over so many years.

For at least that was familiar. And familiarity and ease was the only thing his body cared about.