Be My Baby Boy

Wisdom is the property of the Dead

A/N: this chapter includes massive spoilers about the plot and end of Shrek 2. Oh, and for Avengers Infinity War and Endgame.

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"I want what every princess wants," Fiona was saying on the screen and Peter, Wade and Pool held their breaths as handsome Shrek's face took a loving expression.

Fiona cupped his face. "To live happily ever after with the ogre I married." Shrek's face lit up with joy and the magic lifted them up from the ground and they twirled in the air, a bright light haloing all around them. When they touched ground again, both Fiona and Shrek had reverted back to their ogre looks and kissed happily ever after.

"Huh," Wade said, and gave a side eyed glance at Pool and then at Peter, snuggled contentedly in their arms. How they managed to fit two Wade Wilson- sized humans and one Peter on their dingy little couch and actually get comfortable, none of them could really tell, but they made it work. They had taken advantage of a rainy day to stay home and catch up on movies.

"You've never seen the Shrek movies?" Peter had asked Wade and Pool when it had somehow come up.

"Movies about someone who everyone hates and fears because he's scary and ugly?" Wade had asked.

"I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to identify with him," Pool had said sarcastically.

"Come on... they're really good, with a lovely message," Peter had said. And of course whatever Peter wanted, Peter got.

Wade and Pool had gasped when Shrek had said 'really really' to his adorably annoying Donkey side kick.

"That's where that came from!"

Peter had laughed himself silly. "You didn't know? That's like iconic!"

"Wait... am I the Donkey in this situation??" Pool had said with a mock gasp and Peter had laughed again.

Now they had finished Shrek 2 and some of it had rung a bell, clearly.

"So, baby boy..." Pool began, his voice all too nonchalant. "If a magical potion could make me handsome again, would you want me to take it?" Wade was trying to shut him up but when Peter glanced at him questioningly, he pretended to have been just trying to ward off a fly.

"But you are handsome," Peter said, his eyes tracing the familiar, scarred features of his boyfriends lovingly. His eyes went a little gooey. "So handsome."

"Awww... but really, would you?" Wade asked.

"It wouldn't be my decision, would it?" Peter said. "It would be yours. I love you just as you are."

"Alright, Bridget Jones, we get it," Wade teased him.

"Or does that make you princess Fiona?" Pool added.

"It makes no difference anyway, right?" Peter said dismissively and started to tidy up the remains of the massive amounts of movie snacks away. "It's not like there's a Fairy Godmother who can make it happen."

"Right, no difference," Pool said brightly.

"No difference at all," Wade said equally brightly.

If Peter had been paying attention he would have realised they were hiding something.

That night, though, his subconscious caught up. In the dream, Peter woke one morning and walked to the kitchen and as his boyfriends turned around, Peter screamed and landed on the ceiling. "Who are you and what did you do to my boyfriends? And why are there two.. of... you...?" His voice slowed down when his brain caught on. "Baby Doll?"