Little Lies (GirlxGirl)

Chapter 19

"How was your grandma, is she any better?" I watched as she signed in the air while we laid down. Nova had been waiting for me when I got home this morning, more like noon. I kind of just folded in myself a bit, God forgive me for lying about grandma.

I nod and smile over her, "she needed me to set up her new phone."

"She needed you for a whole day?" She chuckled and I laughed a bit too. I just love her laugh, her smile, her goofy expressions.

"She asked me to stay, I don't see her much," I pressed my face into her shoulder. She smelled like Lina, their house. My lips meet her neck and she giggled a bit as I started to suckle. She pushed her fingers into my hair making me me suck harder I gripped her hips and held her until she pulled just a bit and I was about to pull her jeans until she tapped 3 times and I stopped, and looked at her.

"No," her smirk made me melt before she kissed my nose I nodded one last time before I kissed her lips, I dropped my head again, Twirling her hair in my fingers.

"I'm sorry." I whispered so she wouldn't feel me talking. I don't look at her because I know she's not looking at me. Her eyes are now focused on the ceiling with mine.

I wanted to say I loved her, because I do, but I felt like it was a cruel joke to say that without her attention on me, when I say I love her I want her to know I mean it, becauseI really do. But I couldn't take her eyes pressing into my soul for so long at a time.

I need her though, maybe I won't need her in the future, maybe I won't need anyone, but right now in this moment I need her with everything in me.

I'm messed up, I know that.

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I ignore it until it keeps going. I pull it out and see Lina's name.

Messages.

I get up and point to the toilet for my girl the see and she nods and lays back down. I close the door behind me and slide down It staring at the white marbled walls. I wanted to press myself against it, give myself a cold shock to snap something back right in me. Maybe if Beck punched me in the head I would just become right again. All wishful thinking of course.

I open Lina's messages cautiously, anything in them could easily break my heart.

L : I'm sorry,
L : I wish this could work
L : I really wanted this to work
L : I love you
L : You're with her right now aren't you?
L : it's okay, Chris, stay with her. She doesn't deserve to be hurt, especially not by me.

I sighed and dialed her number and waited as the tone rang through my ear. She answered but she didn't say anything at first. When I opened my mouth her words started to flow.

"Chris," she sturmmered.

But I didn't, "Lina."
My chest felt heavy all over again, she's doing this to me again.

"You can't do this to her," she let out in a sad whine. She and I both know that'd true, I never denied it not even from the start of this stupid affair.

"I know."

Her sigh sunk deep in me, as she spoke,"so stop."

She's so tired, I can feel it. She doesn't deserve this. It's not fair. Why can't she have the love she wants.