Little Lies (GirlxGirl)

Chapter 18

We sat on the bed together, shoulder to shoulder. The walls were a mix of blues I made, I called it Pearl of the Sea it was one of many thing that made this room comforting when I decorated my space. There was an easel in the corner and a stretched canvas just waiting to be smeared with tonight's memories.

"Why did you pick Novak?"
The voice drew me out gently she whispered with such care and I knew it wasn't meant to be a malicious question, but the tone didn't dampen the meaning of her words like it should've.

I took a breath and swolled thickly, "um, she– she was at a club my friends dragged me to. She was right next to the speaker, dancing like like nothing mattered; but her in that moment. I– I wanted to paint her. She reminded me of what you made me feel."

"Did you paint me?" She breathed out. Gently, she took my hand to play with my fingers, while she put her head on my shoulder. We've sat like this more than a few times and nights. It was a new level of intimacy I've only let myself explore with Lina. I can't fall into it with Nova like I wanted— should've.

I spoke softly to her,"I painted you more times than I can count. I was obsessed with you on a canvas, my canvas. It was like My brushes spoke your name, my canvases remembered the strokes to create your face, your body, and you hair. It was maddening honestly. It couldn't get you out of my head."

It was quiet for a bit before I heard her sigh softly, "I couldn't get you out of my head either. I needed you, I still do, I think I'll always need you."

"Don't say that–,"

"Why, its how I feel, its all I feel, I can't just watch you be—," she choked on her words as sobs came up. I held in the cries trapped in my chest as I pulled my love into my lap. I felt so hollow, so stretched thin with loving them. I should have a choice, I should be able to say no to someone, which one, neither one. I can't.

I held Lina as she cried on me yet again, she gripped my shirt as she soaked it in her sadness, her pain.

"Chris I can't, I can't do this anymore. I'm so tired, I miss you so much," she sobbed in my arms and all I could do was rock her. I didn't want to lie and tell her it would be okay, because it didn't know. I didn't have a decent idea.

I tilted her head up to me and brushed away her tears as I kissed her her hot lips. She kissed me back and held my cheeks adoringly. Her eyes were red and hot so kissed them too as myself tears fell against my shirt.

"You're my Queen." The words flowed from me with the simple mission to make her tears stop. Someone so beautiful should be crying over someone like me.

Besides if we were sharing feelings, thats, everything I've felt from the the day she said she loved me.

"What now?" She asked softly watching me on her knees. We were now chest to chest chest centimeters apart. I could feel her hear beating with mine, hammering for her love.

"I paint you,"

"Like this?"

"Yes, you're absolutely gorgeous like this," I kissed her forehead, I could already see myself drawing her silhouette on the extra large canvas. This mural will be the one I keep with pure meaning with these feelings of euphoria woven into it.

"I'm going to keep you," I spoke without thought. And I guess when I picked out my brush, I'd made my decision, I'd chosen Lina. My heart ripped in two and the pieces weren't even.

No matter how much I try to give my Nova, I'm always dragged back to Lina, kicking, screaming,  crying, and I was want to stay.

I always want to choose the Lina, I always want to throw it all away for her. My Queen.

I grabbed my push and started fast and simple, I rushed like my subject would disappear,  and if I'm honest sometimes I genuinely feared she would disappear, that she would leave me forever.

"I love you."

Her voice stroked my ears when Pleaseure Blue hit the white background. My heart palpation made me stumble a bit when I met her eyes from just a few feet away.

"I love you too."

I love her too. I love Lina too.

What have I done.