Found (BxB)

CHAPTER 18

I was drunk.

The feeling was odd. It seemed like my head was made of air. My movements were clumsy, and I tripped over everything that was in my way. I dragged my tongue while speaking, and I didn't even know what I was saying or with whom I was talking to. Sometimes something would spin and make me trip, or an object would change his place and cause me to fall again. I was so confused. I couldn't think.

When I came to Jack's party, I wasn't intending on drinking. Actually, I was just waiting for Kaden because I knew he was the one I could talk to about what happened yesterday. I knew he would give me good advices or at least would make me feel better, like he always did. And I wanted to kiss him again so badly. So I waited for him. I waited for an hour. I also texted him, asking where he was and if he was coming. I didn't get a reply. He didn't come to the party. And that made me feel even worse.

And the drink was right there. Calling for me. Saying it could make me feel better. Saying it could make me forget. So I didn't think about it too much before taking my first sip. The taste was bitter, causing me to cough a lot. But I took another sip. And another. And another. Until I was drunk.

In the beginning, it was a good feeling. I was laughing at everything, talking to everyone, dancing despite not knowing how, not having a single care in the world. I didn't even remember my mother's words anymore. I was feeling light and I loved it.

But then my head started to get heavier, and suddenly I was feeling sick. I couldn't move anymore. I couldn't think anymore. My bad memories of yesterday came back to haunt me, but they seemed intensified by the drink. Kaden's absence seemed intensified by the drink. Everything was intensified. And suddenly the crowd of people I was in seemed too much for me to handle.

I narrowed my eyes, trying to see through my blurry vision who was around me. I found a girl dancing in front of me. How long is she there? Who is she? Her eyes were green. Or is it blue? I rubbed my eyes to see better, and they widened when I saw she was rubbing herself on me. I felt kind of sick by this. I didn't want her to do that. My drunk mind just kept thinking about how would feel if Kaden did that to me. I would let him do this. I wouldn't feel sick by him. Much the opposite, I would feel blessed.

I felt myself harden by the image of Kaden in that position. Oh my God, what was the alcohol doing to me? He had taken control of my mind, and now of my body too. I was hella horny for Kaden while I was drunk.

The girl must have thought I was hard because of her, because she got even closer to me, rubbing herself even more. My erection disappeared almost instantly when the image of Kaden faded away by the girl who was touching me. I don't want her. I want Kaden.

I was about to get away from her touch. I was about to get away from the crowd and sober up, because the alcohol wasn't doing me no good no more. But, when I was about to leave, the girl grabbed my neck and pushed my face down to her.

It took a second for my drunk mind register what was happening. My eyes widened when I realized she was kissing me. The feeling was wrong. Her taste was wrong. She was wrong. It felt nothing like when Kaden and I kissed. When we kissed, my mind was electrified by fireworks, and my body was electrified by happiness and freedom. When we kissed, I felt passion. Because I was in love with Kaden.

I pulled away quickly, feeling like I wanted to throw up. If it was because of the alcohol or because of the girl, I couldn't tell. Maybe both. The girl looked at me strangely, like me pulling away was something from another world. I didn't care about her, though. I turned around to leave, and my body froze as soon as I did.

Kaden was standing there, looking right at my direction. He looked hurt. Automatically, I was hurt. I didn't know what to do. He had just seen a girl rub herself on me and kiss me, and he had no idea what was going on in my mind while that happened. He was probably thinking the worst, and I didn't blame him. I had an historic about breaking down and doing stupid things because of my sexuality.

Just the idea of losing what Kaden and I shared yesterday made me want to throw up even more. I was going to throw up. My hands went to my mouth when I gagged, and I rushed to the nearest bathroom. How I didn't trip was a mystery, but I managed to get to the bathroom and open the lid from the vase, putting all the alcohol I had ingested out of my system.

I started to cry while vomiting. I cried because of Kaden catching that girl kissing me. I cried because of what that girl did without my consent. I cried because I was drunk. I cried because I was feeling sick. I cried because of my mother's words. I cried because my mom didn't love me truthfully. I cried because I feared losing my family. I cried because I feared losing my home. I cried because I was scared. I cried because I didn't want to be alone.

I finally stopped vomiting. My stomach was completely empty now. But my mind was still spinning because of my drunk state. I felt something cold and wet on my face, and my head snapped to the side to see Kaden putting a wet towel on my face. He wasn't looking me in the eyes, and putted the cloth in my hands as soon as I looked at him.

"Will told me you were drunk" He avoided my gaze, and his voice was low "I couldn't come tonight, but he called me saying you had drank too much and wouldn't stop"

Images of Will trying to make me stop drinking flashed through my mind, joined with the images of me brushing him off and drinking even more.

"I came here because... I don't know why I came" He let out a sad chuckle "I'm... I'm sorry, Ethan"

Sorry? Why was he sorry for? My brows furrowed in confusion.

"Why are you sorry?" My voice was slurred, like alcohol had made my tongue numb.

He passed his hand through his black locks nervously.

"I'm sorry for... kissing you" But I was the one who kissed him "I'm sorry for not being able of just being your friend like you said you wanted" I don't want to be just his friend "I'm sorry for flirting with you, and holding your hands, and... and hugging you..." Why was he apologizing for something that made me happy? "I'm sorry"

"Why are you sorry?" I repeated my question "I... I like when we kiss. And when we flirt. And when we hold hands. And when we hug..." I stopped talking when he started shaking his head.

"No. I just made you break down again"

"You didn't–"

"I did" He interrupted me "I shouldn't have done... all of this. I made you break down more than once. And I made you get drunk. You've never drunk. But now you have. Because of me. You had to use alcohol because of me, and-and" He was starting to get agitated, and I could see he was flustered "And when people use alcohol to forget their problems, it's a non-stopping cycle where we can't- we can't get away- and-and-and I don't want that for you" His eyes were starting to swim in tears, and I felt a pain in my chest like I had never felt before. He took a deep breath to calm himself down "I don't want you to become a... a... an alcoholic like... I don't want you to... I don't want this" He stood up abruptly, and I felt even more hurt by the idea of him leaving me.

He looked down at me, looking at me in the eyes for the first time.

"I'm sorry Ethan, but I don't think we should talk to each other anymore"

"No- wait- Kaden-"

My sentence was interrupted by the door opening, and the figure of Will by the doorway. He looked at me in tears on the floor, and then at Kaden, who was struggling to hold his own tears back. He opened his mouth to say something, but then shut it and replaced it with a frown.

"Take care of him" Kaden said to Will "Take him to your house and sober him up. Let him sleep there. He won't want Jonathan to know he was drunk"

I called his name once more when he started leaving the bathroom, but he didn't turn around to face me. He didn't look at me. He left me.

And I ended the night more broken than I was before.