Found (BxB)

CHAPTER 26

Somehow, I didn't obsess over the fact that Mason knew I was gay.

After the talk we had in his car, I actually felt a lot better. He shared several stories I identified with and tranquilized me about my future.

It was great to talk to someone that had already gone through what I was dealing with right now. I used to talk to Kaden about that stuff, but, even if he seemed completely okay with his sexuality, he was in the closet as well.

Talking to Mason and sharing this with him opened my eyes even more. It seemed like I was being brought to the reality more and more, seeing how it was okay being homosexual, realizing that the believes I grew up with were mistaken.

Coming out to someone, even if it wasn't my choice in the beginning, was relieving. Just like Mason said, I was scared and panicked in the started, but then it seemed like a weight had been taken off of my shoulders.

During our ride to school, it was clear to me that Jonathan didn't care about what he said yesterday. Maybe he just agreed because Melisa was the one who said it and he wanted to impress her. Maybe he wasn't even paying attention, too distracted by Melisa's beauty. Still, he had said it. And it hurt me. It made me feel even more scared of telling him someday. So, while he was talking nonstop about Melisa and where they went to yesterday, I didn't say a word.

"I was going to call you yesterday, but Melisa told me you were hanging out with Leah and-" He suddenly stopped talking "Hey, are you okay?"

Since I broke down in front of my brother for the first time, he was always checking on me. He insisted on making me talk about what was going on with me a lot in the beginning. Then he tried to make assumptions that were wrong. And now, I think he noticed I wouldn't say anything, and since I was feeling a lot happier and didn't break down or seemed sad anymore, he stopped the questions. I knew he still kept an eye on me, though.

"I'm fine" I lied "I just don't feel like talking" I shrugged.

"Why? Did something happen?"

The memories of him agreeing two boys in love was disgusting and unnatural came to my mind, along with the memories of Kaden entering the car with Lisa. Soon, my mind started to be filled with the memories of all the things my mom had already told me: her thoughts on homosexuals, her threat of kicking me out of our house, how my family would leave me alone...

"Jonathan, I-" I breathed out "Can you promise me something?" My voice came out as a whisper.

My brother looked more confused than ever, but nodded anyway.

"Please don't leave me" I pursed my lips to stop their trembling, wiping the tears that were appearing in my eyes with the back of my hands.

He didn't say anything. Instead, he furrowed his eyebrows, like I had just said the most absurd thing he had ever heard.

"Why... What?" He asked

"Just promise me"

"Ethan, you're my little brother. I'll never leave you. I could never" He stated. I didn't know if he would think the same way when I came out, but his words relieved me "What makes you think that I would? Why would I leave you? Why... why are you asking me this?"

"I just needed to know" I took a deep breath "I just needed to know" I repeated, more to myself than to him.   

There was a moment of silence.

"Are you depressed again?" Jonathan asked.

"I get better everyday" I replied honestly "Some days are just worse than others, that's all"