Found (BxB)

CHAPTER 45

Kaden asked me to go to the graveyard with him today.

Today was Saturday, but we still were going to have practice by the end of the afternoon because we had a big game coming up. Kaden wouldn't be able to join the team, because he had a ceremony on the Alcoholics Anonymous, where he was going to win one more medal for being a long time sober. He was indecisive about skipping an important practice, but I knew it meant a lot to him going to the AA's, so, even if he was essential for the team, I told him he should go get his medal. I was extremely proud of him for overcoming his addiction.

Before going to practice and before him going to his meeting, though, we were going to meet his brother. Kaden told me that would be the first time he was going to visit Charlie in the New Year, and he asked me to come along with him because he wanted Charlie to meet me. Then he started to ramble and say that he knew Charlie could never meet me, but it was symbolic for him and it would mean a lot. He didn't even need to explain me why he wanted me there; I would do anything to make him happy. Plus, I really wanted to meet his brother, even if this was the only way.

Kaden was zoning out during our ride to the graveyard. It was almost as if his emotions were blocked and he turned out to be completely numb. He didn't talk, sing, and kept only looking through the window. I didn't question about it and let him be alone with his own thoughts; but I kept one of my hands in his to show him that I was there for him.

It was a cloudy day; the clouds being of a light grey colour, indicating that it wasn't going to rain, but the sun wouldn't be appearing. The cemetery had tall trees, poor in leafs, and with a thin and grey stalk that had some black spots. But most of the place only had the grass as nature. The graves were all very different from one another: some of them were tall, some of them were just a sign on the floor, some were grey while others were golden or silver or even black, and some had different draws in it. A lot of them had fresh new flowers on top of it, but a lot of them seemed forgotten with time.

It may be something dumb for me to say, since it was a cemetery, but the place had a sad atmosphere. Or perhaps I was just sensing Kaden's sadness. He was by my side, holding my hand to lead me through the graves until his brother's, and with his other hand deep in the pocket of his coat. His eyes were fixed on the ground, distant like all the times he remembered his brother's death.

Then he stopped walking. But Kaden didn't turn around to the grave beside us. His eyes kept trailed ahead. I waited for him to keep walking or say something, but we didn't move.

"Kadie?" I asked in a whisper "Are you okay?"

Kaden nodded.

"I just- I just need a moment" He said.

Kaden took a deep breath; his shoulders relaxing as he breathed out. I looked to the grave beside us. Charles Prince. Beloved son, friend and brother.

"Every time I come here, I expect his grave not to be here anymore" Kaden said; his voice low "I know it's a stupid thing for me to think. He died, I know that. But when I visit his grave it seems... too real. So I stand here for a while, hoping I will look at my side and see nothing. Or see a name that isn't his. And then... then it wouldn't be real anymore"

I didn't say anything. I don't think it would have a comfort thing to say in this moment. People die, and there's no comforting speech to make the loss less painful. Sometimes, all we can do is listening to the person's pain, hold them while they cry, and pick them up when they fall.

"It took me a while to accept that it was real" He told me "Sixteen years old. We don't expect anyone to die with sixteen years old. Especially a healthy person. We weren't expecting it, and then it suddenly happened. I couldn't keep up" He paused "A part of me kept thinking that Charlie would appear in my room one day and tell me it was all a joke. I visited his grave every single day in the beginning to make me understand that it was real. I guess I just couldn't... I couldn't handle the weight of the truth"