Drowning Without Water - A Criminal Minds x Reader

Three

Ugh. You couldn't move. You couldn't open your eyes. So much pain. You could hear something... was it beeping? You start to move your head, rubbing your eyes as you adjust to the bright fluorescent lights. You slowly open them to observe your surroundings. You see someone sitting on the chair next to you but you couldn't figure out who it was.

"Ughhhh," you groan out, trying to get the mystery person's attention. It worked, you see their head stick up as they get up and move close to you.

"H-hey baby-" It was Alex. He was there with you... in the hospital. Why was no one else there? You thought if you were in the hospital Garcia, JJ, or even Reid would be there when you woke up. Did- Did they not know you were here? What even happened?

"A-Alex? W-what happened?"

"Do you not remember? Did you have another one of your blackouts?"

"Last thing I r-remember was unlocking the door to go inside our home after work. Then it all goes black and now I'm here."

"You f-fell. Really badly. You slammed into our little glass table. There was... a lot of blood. I was scared for you Y/N. I called 911 and they took you here, where you've been for the past almost 24 hours."

Wow. You asked the first thing on your mind. "D-does Hotch and the rest of the team know?"

He sighed, a bit of anger growing on his face. "No. They don't. And I'd like to keep it that way. After what Spencer said to me and accused me of, the last thing I need is them knowing you were all bruised and cut up in the hospital."

"B-but work..."

"Christ Y/N... Is that all you think about? The BAU? Why the hell am I even here then? I should just call Spence so he can be the one taking care of you. He already acts like your boyfriend. Might as well just get myself killed so you'll finally pay attention to me."

Why was he saying all of this? My head is pounding, but... is he saying what I think he is? "How long am I going to be here? I wanna go home and then work." You watched Alex roll his eyes as soon as you said 'work'.

"Tomorrow. Just get your rest and I'll take you home. I'm already used to taking care of your useless self, this shouldn't be any different."

"Why are you being so mean? I'm kinda struggling here babe."

"Am I wrong?" You didn't answer. "That's what I thought." He said as he laid back in his chair. You turned away from him and fell back asleep.

--

It had been a week since you came home from the hospital and you were finally returning to work. Hotch gave you the week off and you didn't even have to explain why you wanted it. No one at work knew you were at the hospital, at least, as far as you know. You could still see some of the cuts and bruises from the fall but there were also a few new ones, from other blackouts. None of them bad enough to go back to the hospital.

You made sure to wear clothes that would cover up as much of you as it could. Long black pants, a short-sleeved, purple, dress shirt, and a black blazer. You tried as hard as you could to cover the remaining visible bruises and cuts with makeup but some of them wouldn't go away. You knew there would be a few comments but whatever.

Spence had been trying to text and call you the whole week to apologize for what he did but you just ignored him. He even showed up at your house once but Alex managed to get him to go away somehow. You hated doing this but Alex was right. Spence needed to realize we weren't dating and you weren't someone who needed protection. You were a special agent who carried a gun with her at all times after all.

You poured a cup of coffee, left a note for Alex, and headed to work. This was going to be an interesting day back.

--

You arrived 10 minutes early and decided to settle back into your desk and get rid of some of the dust bunnies that had appeared. You looked at all the photos on your desk. A third of them were you and Spence. You really hung out a lot. You both looked so... happy. You picked up one of you two the night after the party at Rossi's last Halloween. You had both dressed up as The Doctor from Dr. Who without even talking about it beforehand. You smiled remembering all the jokes Morgan cracked at us. The first time you'd smiled all week...

"You know... that was one of my favorite BAU parties I've gone to. Finding someone on the team who shared my Dr. Who interest was the highlight of my entire year." You look up and see Spencer standing over you smiling.

But as soon as you make eye contact with him, he studies your face and that smile instantly turns into the biggest look of worry you've ever seen on him.

"Spencer. Do not." You open one of your empty desk drawers and put that photo, along with the other Spencer photos, in there and close it aggressively. He looked like he was about to cry as he moped over to his desk and sat down, instantly nuzzling his head into a book thinking I didn't notice the tear that fell down his face.

"Ayyyyy welcome back kitty cat! We missed seeing your gorgeous face around here. Ain't that right pretty boy?" Derek called out to Spence and me. Spence didn't look up or react, still silently crying to himself. You, however, stood up and ran over to Derek and hugged him. You winced by accident when he hugged back a little too tightly and now everyone knew something was up, especially since they could all see your face up close now. They all just looked... sad.

"It's good to see you all! I missed you brilliant people so much! Hopefully, you guys didn't struggle too much without me." You giggled as everyone else, except Spencer of course, half-heartedly laughed too. You felt Hotch's hand on your shoulder and flinched a bit as he placed it hard right on one of the worst cuts you had.

"Y/N, can you come with me to my office please?" he whispered into your ear. You nodded and followed him up the stairs into his office. He closed the door behind you and motioned to one of the seats in front of his desk. It felt like when you got called into the principal's office in school. You hadn't done anything wrong so why was Hotch needing to talk to you?

"Y/N. I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me the truth and I will profile your answer." Shit. Please don't ask what I think you're gonna ask. "Why did you need that week off? I gave it to you considering what Reid pulled but I need to know the reason. This will stay between us unless I believe your life is in danger."

Fuck. Do you try and lie to Hotch? You knew he'd probably catch you in it if it's a full lie but maybe you could twist it. However, if he already knew you were in the hospital, there wouldn't be a point. You sat there looking down and contemplating your options.

"Y/N?"

"I was... hurting. After what Spencer pulled. Especially with how close we were, for him to just do that... I was in pain for most of that week. I needed to think about my future and what's best for me. Work and friends wise. I decided I'm gonna stay and just hope Spencer doesn't pull that again."

"And your boyfriend?"

"What about him?"

"How did he react when you got home?"

"Honestly?" You asked and Hotch nodded. "I don't remember. I've been having these blackouts whenever I'm home and have the chance to think about the job and it gets really bad with the hard cases. It's just my way of coping with what I see on the job I guess. During those blackouts is when I normally have the most accidents."

"I see. There's no other reason why you needed that week off?"

You paused for a second. "Nope." You responded, popping the P.

"Okay, one last thing. Take off your blazer."