Sin (BoyxBoy) (Ziam)

Weight

Hello everyone! This update is suuuuper late, but this chapter was a very difficult one for me to write due to how heavy it is.

WARNING: This chapter contains mentions of death, suicide, depression, self-harm, alcoholism, sexual abuse, guilt, a sense of hopelessness, and intense emotions/thoughts. Please read carefully and skip entirely to the end if you need to because even in this dark chapter, there is hope.

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

The Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Suicide.org gives hotline numbers outside of the US. Please visit if needed.

Sexual Assault Hotline: 800.656.HOPE (4673)

Crisis Text Line can help you deal with sexual abuse. Reach a Crisis Counselor by texting HOME to 741741.

Reddit community dedicated to helping anyone needing support with their sexual assault experiences: r/sexualassaultsupport

I love you all endlessly! Take care!

Chapter 61:

I didn't go to school the next day. My head just wasn't in the right space, and my aunt knew that. She helped me make another therapy appointment earlier so that I could talk through all of my thoughts. I told her that I wanted to visit my mum's grave, and she agreed to go with me.

"You know, your mum asked me to just be there for you before she passed," She said, sitting down beside me on the ground in front of my mother's grave.

We brought new flowers to place down for her. They were calla lilies. My aunt said that they were some of her favorites, and I remembered her owning some when I was younger.

"You have been," I reminded her. She had to know that she didn't fail. "You kept me going for so long. I don't think..." I paused, taking in a deep breath and deciding to be honest with my aunt. "I don't think I would be here today if you never called me that day I told you everything. Your voicemail saved me. Knowing that I had one last chance; someone to reach out to. T-thank you."

"It's not something I need to be thanked for," She said with a smile, and I fell into my aunt's arms, hugging her tight as she hugged me back with just as much support.

I knew that I had to go and talk to my therapist today, but I really didn't know how I was going to explain so much to her. It was like no matter how much I told others, there was still more to uncover. There was so much hidden away, pushed back into the deepest recesses of my mind. There was so much that I didn't want to remember, I found out. It was all too painful.

"Are you ready to go, love?" My aunt asked gently.

"Um, can I have a moment? There's just... some things I have to say," I replied, and she nodded before pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"I'll be in the car. Take all the time you need."

She stood up and walked away, leaving me alone with my mum. I read over her headstone a few times, knowing that my baby sibling was buried by her side. I never got to say goodbye, and I never got to say hello. They were both taken from me-- the first person who made my dad's torture worth surviving through and the first person who was going to give me a chance at a new start.

If I could have met my sibling, if I got to keep her, I would have protected her from everything. Especially my dad. He would have never gotten his hands on her. He would have never hurt her the way he hurt me, and I would make sure of that. It was something I vowed from the very moment my mum went into labor. No matter how afraid I was, I would protect her with everything I had.