Sin (BoyxBoy) (Ziam)

Holding

Ahhh! Sorry it's a little late today. I had work and then got sidetracked watching Avatar again lol

Here is your Day 5 update if anyone has been reading lately.

Warning: This chapter has a therapy scene that dives in and deals with Zayn's feelings and the sexual abuse. It also does deal with his alcoholism and his suicidal thoughts.

Please read safely and have a good night/day everyone. 😊

Chapter 57:

     "Okay, Zayn, can you describe to me why your relationship with your father is broken?" The therapist asked. Her name was Dr. Natalie Rema, and she did seem to remember my aunt very well. They got along great, and I sat back as they spoke, but then the conversation was turned to me.

    The first few questions was easy. How was I doing today. What was my home life like. How did I feel about my mother. Then, she asked about my father. I froze, and I completely shut down just like I did every single time he was mentioned.

    "Because he..." I closed my eyes, trying to focus on my breathing instead of the words coming out of my mouth. "He hurt me. He never felt regret for it."

   She knew what I was referring to. My aunt must have told her before the session because she nodded and spoke in a gentle tone.

  "How does that make you feel? How does it affect your daily life?" She questioned, and I knew that she had to know, but it was terrifying to discuss with someone I barely knew.

    "I feel... I- I feel ruined," I admitted, never once opening my eyes. "I feel like he stole everything away, and nothing I could ever do can change that. I feel unworthy of love because I'm tainted and disgusting. Because I allowed him to do it," I cried out, tears beginning to spill, and I hated being so weak in front of someone I didn't know a thing about.

   "But you didn't, Zayn," She voiced, leaning forward and handing me some tissues. "You did not allow him to hurt you. You were young and you were afraid. You told your aunt, didn't you? I don't think someone who allowed someone else to hurt them would ever tell."

   I knew she was trying to comfort me, trying to make me see reason, but it was useless when my mind was full of doubt and agony.

   "Maybe...." I trailed off, wiping at my eyes and not having the will to challenge her or argue back about my emotions right now. I just wanted it all to end. I didn't really want to talk about this.

   "What about your relationship with your aunt? How do you feel about her?" She questioned, and I heard a bit of wariness in her voice. It was obvious that she knew which of my parents my aunt was related to. It probably came up one or twice during my aunt's own therapy after she took me in.

   "I'm grateful for her," I spoke truthfully. "She was never obligated to take me in or take care of me. She went through so much to become my legal guardian, and she always tries her best. She believed me when I thought that nobody would. She saved my life," I added on, wincing when I realized what just came out of my mouth at the end.

  I felt frozen. I didn't mean to admit to my suicidal thoughts. I didn't mean to discuss it at all. I wanted to keep it all bottled up inside because I didn't want to see the pity in anybody's eyes.

  "How? How do you think your aunt saved you?" She wondered.

  "S-She... she called the police on my father. She testified on my behalf in court. She took me in when I needed a place to go. She provided for me, cared for me, she set up this session," I listed out, thinking of all of the ways my aunt continuously put me first. It must be a lot for her to take me on, but she never complains or seems tired of having me around. "She's like a second mum to me."