Sin (BoyxBoy) (Ziam)

Bewildered

Hey guys, sorry for the late update. I have phone troubles currently, and I'm not feeling too well, but it's finally here! Updates for Scars and Floret will hopefully be up soon as well.

WARNING: Mentions of attempted suicide, sexual assault, abuse, eating disorders, and feelings of loneliness. Some parts may be triggering, so please read carefully, loves. I am always here to talk. ❤

Love you all, and enjoy!

Chapter 17:

Flashback

It was my first night at my aunt's house. I was terrified. The last twenty-four hours went by in such a blur. I took a moment to sit in the rather barren guest room, collecting my thoughts for a moment. I closed my eyes and remembered everything that went down since that morning.

    My father decided to hurt me again. I fought back as best I could, but he was still stronger than I was and my body was so sore from the night before. He didn't like that I fought. He hit me and punched me and kicked me in any way he could until I was nearly unconscious. Then, he used me like every other day. I felt sick with myself. I felt tired of living.

    I went into the restroom afterwards, picking up a bottle of sleeping pills, and I wondered how many I would have to take to sleep. Forever. To no longer feel the soreness in my body, the pain that accompanied it, the agony in my heart.

     "I can't anymore, mum," I said, looking at myself in the mirror and holding perfect eye contact. "I can't take it anymore. I miss you. I hate being here. I hate being alive. Nobody needs me. Nobody."

    I uncapped the pill bottle and poured it all out in my hands. I felt tears building in my eyes, and I took a deep breath before lifting up my hand. Before I could put the pills in my mouth, however, the phone rang from the living room. There was nobody else to answer because my father was gone.

    I took the pills with me as I walked into the living room, allowing the phone to ring until it went to voicemail. Then, my aunt's voice came through the phone as she left a message.

     "Zayn, I wanted to call you and see how you're holding up, babe. I know it's almost your mum's birthday, and I can't imagine how you must be feeling, love. I just want you to know that I'm always here, Zayn. I promised your mum I would be, and I will be. Come visit me today, love, and we can talk about anything you want. Your mum would like it if you played her a little song for her birthday. The piano's waiting. Can't wait to see you, sweetheart. I love you."

     I dropped the pills onto the floor as soon as the message finished. I couldn't explain my actions, but I rushed to get my shoes on before running out of the door and rushing to my aunt's house. I guess I assumed it was a sign. A reason to stay when everything was becoming too much. A sign from my mum, and I couldn't let her down.

     I ran all the way to my aunt's house, and I pounded my fist on her front door, desperate for her to answer. Once she finally did, her expression fell from a smile to a very concerned one as she took in the way I looked.

    "Zayn? Zayn, love, what's wrong? What happened?" She questioned, quickly pulling me into her arms and squeezing me tightly. It was still very early in the morning, so there weren't any neighbors out, but my aunt still pulled me inside and shut the door behind us.

      And I finally spilled.

    "I c-can't do this. I can't stay with him anymore. I-it hurts! He hurts me so much. It all hurts," I remember crying out. And then I told my aunt everything. I told her that I couldn't remember when it all began, and I remember feeling so frightened that she'd just call me a liar and turn me down. It was her family, why would she believe me? And I knew that this was my last chance. If she didn't believe me, I had nothing else to do but end it all. I couldn't live this life anymore.