Sin (BoyxBoy) (Ziam)

Without

Hello everyone! So sorry for how slow these updates are coming. I have school to do, and I also have two jobs that I am working now. Still, writing is always a nice escape for me, and I really do enjoy it.

This chapter has to be one of my favorites, but please let me know what you guys think. I really do miss all of the interacting that we used to do with one another. Feel free to leave comments, ask questions, or even private message me about anything. Again, I am always here.

Also, there is a very important message in this chapter that is not obvious at all, but let me know what you guys think it is haha.

I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Love you all! <3

Chapter 45:

I should have been able to fall asleep without a problem. It should have been so easy. I had everything I needed with me.

Liam forgave me. He was in my arms, allowing me to hold him again and promising that we would fight together through everything that came our way from now on. We made a vow to mend each other-- to make one another a better person than before. Still, it felt as if something was missing, which was confusing to me.

There was still this darkness that lingered inside of me. There was still a need for the burning taste of liquor to pour down my throat. My fingers still itched to grab onto something for stability-- to know what was real and what I was fooling myself into believing.

Then there were the memories.

They seemed to have been burned into me-- mind and soul. Whenever the lights went out, the monsters would begin to call. Suddenly, everything became to vivid once more. I could hear his words, I could see the look in his eyes, the way his hands would worm their way around my body as I struggled for freedom-- until I was too tired; too numb to fight back.

I glanced over at Liam, who seemed to be sleeping soundly-- his face seeming calm and so young. He never had the chance to enjoy his childhood. What was it like for him?

I suddenly felt ashamed. Every thought about the past made my skin crawl. I slowly managed to pull my body away from Liam's without waking him, and I sat up in bed, staring ahead at the wall opposite from me.

It was a plain white wall that had no designs or knick-knacks strewn all about it. I had little to nothing of my past items with me. I wanted nothing more than to forget it all-- I didn't even take the clothes that filled my dressers when moving in with my aunt. I didn't want to wear them ever again because I would always feel his fingers peeling back the layers with greediness; evilness.

The wall was blank-- it seemed barren and ignored. Replaceable; it was exactly like many other plain, white walls out there. There was nothing special about it. It was empty. How sad must that wall be?

I sat there, staring at that wall until my eyes tricked me into seeing small shapes and patterns on the flat surface-- the dark moving and swarming around me, trying to gain access to my mind. It almost won, but I heard a soft murmur leave Liam's lips, and my gaze shifted down at him.

He was sleeping on his side, his arms thrown out in front of his body, almost as if he was reaching out for something. His fingertips barely grazed my thigh, and I felt myself fall a bit more as I saw him murmur again, a small sigh leaving his lips. I leaned down, pressing a chaste kiss to his forehead, wishing some part of me could physically meld into some part of him. That we could be one someway or somehow. That thought seemed dangerous.

I finally accepted that I wouldn't be getting much sleep tonight, so I climbed out of bed and moved to walk toward the door when I heard Liam's phone begin to vibrate from where it was sitting on the nightstand.