Sin (BoyxBoy) (Ziam)

Bruises

Here's another wonderful chapter update!

Question: What has been your favorite moment from Zayn's POV so far? What are you learning about Zayn?

WARNING: This chapter deals with bruises from abuse (both physical and sexual) and there are triggering aspects to it. Please read carefully. ❤

Chapter 20:

Flashback

I looked in the mirror, feeling completely numb as I stared at all of the bruises on my body. They were in the shape of fingerprints and hands. They hurt, and they made my body ache, but I still felt so empty inside.

The bruises were mainly on my hips, thighs, and waist, that was where he grabbed me at, but there were also some littered down my arms and around my wrists. There were a few around other parts of my body, but that's where he grabbed the most.

I shrunk in on myself as the shame ate away at me. I stared at the new bruises that I just received that morning, and I let out a choked sob, not allowing myself to cry but desperately needing to. I just couldn't show how weak I truly was. I couldn't.

I stepped into the shower, feeling the nearly scolding hot water pour over my skin, turning it red within seconds. I needed the burn. I needed it to scorch me.

I grabbed body wash and began scrubbing myself roughly, trying to wash away the ghost of his touch. I could still feel every single motion, every tug, every hit, every grab from his greedy hands.

I scrubbed myself raw, even digging my nails into the soap and scratching at my skin so intensely that some spots began to bleed. I didn't care. The sight of blood didn't terrify me anymore. I was so used to it now.

No matter how much I scrubbed and scraped and scratched, I couldn't wash him away. It was impossible. He was always on my skin.

I sat down on the shower floor, staring ahead at the tiled wall and feeling nothing but disgust in myself and the utter hatred I had for who I was. I didn't want to be alive, but I didn't have the courage to end it all. I just didn't want to exist anymore.

"I c-can't," I whispered out, feeling the water dripping down my face. I think I might have she'd a few tears, but it was hard to tell whether or not it was the water from the shower or my own tears. It all seemed to blend together in a miserable mix.

"I c-can't do it anymore, mum. I can't. I'm a-all al-one," I cried, my voice constantly cracking and breaking. My heart ached unlike anything else I've ever felt, and I curled up into a fetal position, holding onto myself as I dug my nails into skin. I didn't even stop when a few miniscule drops of blood began to form on my arms from the crescent shapes.

"I can't survive this alone," I cried out, putting my head again my knees as I sat there, feeling the water slowly lose its heat and begin to run cold.

I realized that I was alone in this. I was facing this battle both internally and externally alone. Nobody knew because if they knew, they'd be so disgusted to even be around me. I wanted to run away from myself, but I couldn't. I was trapped in my pathetic, weak, defiled body. There was no escaping it, but I knew that I must deserve it. If it's been happening for so long with no end in sight... I must deserve it.

I had to suffer through it alone. I just had to.

-----

I wasn't alone.

Liam was lying right beside me, in my arms, our bodies pressed together to provide warmth for one another. He didn't know the whole story, but he knew about my mum. He knew the way I felt about her. It was something.