Sin (BoyxBoy) (Ziam)

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The Week of Updates begins NOW!!!!

I am so happy to be able to give you guys this gift, and I hope you enjoy it.

This chapter is a bit more laid back, though some thoughts Zayn has may be triggering. Please read carefully, loves.

Also, there are plenty of fascinating and magnificent books mentioned in this chapter, including my favorite, which is mentioned at the very end. I highly suggest reading the books listed, although The Kite Runner is quite controversial and may be triggering. Other than that, these books are wonderful!

Hope you guys enjoy chapter one of the week of updates!

Chapter 28:

I woke up in bed, and I instantly felt the worst headache ever. It felt like someone was pounding on my skull with a hammer. It was an intense beating, and I could even feel my pulse with every thud. I was majorly hungover, and I regretted all of my drinking from last night, but I knew that regret was in vain. I wouldn't stop drinking, no matter how terrible I felt the morning after.

I opened my eyes, and I instantly shut them again as the sunlight made my headache worse. "Fuck," I cursed out, holding onto my head as I laid perfectly still in bed, mentally cursing every single thing that hurt. My head, the light, sudden movements. It all sucked ass to deal with.

"Here," I heard a voice say, and I looked over to see Liam standing there with pills and a glass of water. And I recalled every single event that occured last night, each memory playing like a flashback in a movie.

I remembered how Liam managed to connect the dots between the bird song and my father. I pushed him away, and that hurt him. I remembered feeling so low, and I truly had no desire to climb out of bed, but I also remembered crying in Liam's arms as I shared a part of me that not even my best friend knew. And I felt ashamed of being so weak.

I looked up at Liam, wondering what he was thinking. It was so frustrating to never truly know what was going on inside of someone else's head. Was he ashamed of me as well? Did he think I was an idiot for drinking myself into a stupor the way I did last night? He would be right on both accounts, and I wouldn't blame him at all.

Then, I realized that he knew.

Maybe he didn't know the specific details of it all, but he knew that my father treated me similarly to how his is treating him. He knew that I was fucked up in the head, and now he knows why. He knew that I was weak and ignorant to ever put a hand on him because of my personal issues. He knew all of it. He had every right to kick me out and ask to never see me again, but I was holding onto hope that he wouldn't.

"Thank you," I whispered cautiously. I sat up in his bed, realizing now that I was in his room, not my own, and accepted the glass of water and the painkiller. I avoided his eyes, preparing myself for the inevitable. He would bring it up, and I would grow defensive all over again. I would feel even more embarrassed than I do now. It was only a matter of seconds before everything went south between us again.

"Better?" Liam asked after watching me swallow down the pill, and I nodded in hopes of avoiding every topic I didn't want to face.

The truth is, I wasn't better at all. I haven't been since my mum passed away. She was the only strength I had, and I was slowly losing all of it. If it wasn't for Louis' messages last night.... It wasn't the first time I've given up, and I keep wondering why I'm given chances to continue.

I wasn't better. If anything, I was worse. I was giving into my urges to be around Liam, but with that came all of the memories of my father-- all of his words. The words I believed. They tormented me every time I looked at Liam or touched him or kissed him or even thought of him. I was stuck in the juxtaposition of what felt so right but I knew was so wrong. My feelings versus the words that have been branded into my mind. The fact that I was basically walking toward eternal damnation.