Sin (BoyxBoy) (Ziam)

Behavior

Update time! And a Happy Pride Month! ❤

Summer has begun, and I am very excited to write more for you guys. I hope you are all excited as well. Also, I was considering doing a little writing project, and it would mean a lot if you guys wanted to participate. Let me know if you would like to know more about it.

Warning: This chapter deals with mentions of self-harm and alcoholism. It also deals heavily with a feeling of emptiness and depression. Please read carefully, loves. 💕

Chapter 11:

Flashback

       I was frozen in shock.

   My hand was still balled into a fist, and I looked down at the boy I just hit. Liam. The same person who offered me help when he didn't even realize that I needed it more than ever. The same boy who didn't even know it was me he helped. The same sweet boy.

     Now, he looked up at me in fear, and I felt the exact same fear as I stared at my fist that just made contact with his cheek. It was all of the built up agony inside of me that caused me to snap, much like a rubber band stretched out too far.

     And I wanted to take it back. I wanted to apologize and help him up and just hold him close and never hurt him again. His soul was too pure.

      But then a nasty comment came from the crowd of people who just gasped at the sudden punch. "Alright, Malik! Put the fag in his place!" A guy yelled, and I flinched at the word.

     "Holy boys don't sin, Zayn. Loving another boy is a disgrace! You need to be punished for it, little bird."

     It was the words of my father that floated through my head, and suddenly he was there, watching the whole scene in my head. He was waiting for me to make a mistake... so he could punish me in his favorite way.

    When I looked at Liam, I was overcome with that deep longing I've had since fifth grade-- to hold his hand, to keep him close, to kiss him... I couldn't have that. I couldn't. It was wrong. I shouldn't feel this way, and he shouldn't be this way. Maybe it was too late for me. I was a sinner-- I would burn, but it wasn't too late for him. No, he was good.

     "Get the fuck away from me," I said, trying to snarl and sound menacing. He seemed to believe the act I was putting up as his eyes widened in fear. He scrambled to his feet and ran away down the school hallway, holding his cheek in his hand and leaving his journal on the hallway floor.

     I got several claps on the back, but I felt dirty. I felt wrong. Was I really doing the right thing?

    "Boys should never love boys, Zayn. Ever. I thought I taught you better than that. Perhaps you need another lesson."

     My father's words bounced around in my head, mixing together with the deep desires I had to hold and care for the brunette lad that I just laid a hand upon.

     "What the fuck are you looking at?" I roared, feeling as if I was slipping down a slippery slope. Everyone scattered in fear out of the hallway, and the power of it all made me feel sick to my stomach. I just couldn't allow anyone to see through this new facade. I couldn't allow it to get to my father that I liked a boy.