Sin (BoyxBoy) (Ziam)

Secret

Day 3 of week of updates! Sorry for the wait!

Warning: This chapter contains mentions of the control Zayn's dad had over him as well as hints of Zayn's depression and suicidal thoughts. Please read carefully and know that I am always here for you guys if you need anything, and I'm sure you're all there for each other as well.

I love you all and hope you guys stay safe. 💛

Chapter 30:

      I watched Liam from across the table, tuning out whatever the guy next to me was trying to tell me. It was probably something superficial about going out to a party or hooking up with some girl. It was always the same with the whole group of them, and I was growing increasingly tired of living the lie that I chose to live.

     I only focused on Liam, watching the way he stared blankly at his tray of food. He stared down for a moment before he finally made a move, lifting up his fork and bringing it to his mouth. He hesitated for a moment, and I could only imagine the dozens of thoughts roaming through his head at the sight of the food.

    I knew it was difficult for him to eat, just as it was difficult for me not to drink. So far, it was definitely a struggle. I went home last night feeling lower than ever as I played the conversation I had with Liam over and over again. I admitted to so much, and the memories of it all were slowly consuming me. I wanted to drink and drink and drink until I forgot why I was even drinking in the first place-- until I could convince myself that I was drinking simply because I liked the taste of alcohol.

    I distracted myself. I went to the music room and played random songs on the piano, my mind moving faster than my hands could go. Everything seemed to be accelerated, and when I couldn't beat out my frustrations onto the piano, I turned to my next option.

    I went to my aunt and talked to her about my mum. We talked about how happy my mum was go become a mother when she found out she was pregnant with me. My aunt told me the story about my birth, and she said that my mum refused to let anyone else hold me for the first few days because she never wanted anything to hurt me. She told me how much my mum loved me, and I confessed that I loved her and missed her more and more everyday. My aunt agreed, saying that she missed her just as much, but she said that she was thankful to have me in her life. I never understood how she could want me, but I was grateful for it.

    We spent most of the night talking on the couch, and my aung held me in her arms like she used to when I was younger. I remember falling asleep with my head on her lap, and she must've fallen to sleep as well because we both awoke on the couch this morning, our bones aching from the uncomfortable positions, but I appreciated the fact that she never left me alone.

    I glanced back at Liam to see that he finally willed himself to eat the food. With his eyes closed, he took the food into his mouth and began to chew. His eyebrows scrunched together, as if he wanted to spit it out, but he held it all in, and he opened his eyes in a sort of daze as he swallowed, looking over at me for my reaction. I couldn't help but smile, hiding it by casting my hand in front of my mouth. He has to know how proud I was of him. So far, we were both holding up our ends of the deal.

     My attention was taken away from Liam as I saw Louis walking up to the table behind him. He was looking all around him, and I just knew something was wrong. I needed to know so I could do whatever I can to help.

    He sat down next to Liam, and I watched as he said something to him quietly, his hands not able to be still and his eyes looking at the other guys all around the table frantically. He looked at Liam with so much hope in his eyes, and I wondered what they were talking about.