Whatever The F He Wants

Scavenger Hunt

APRIL & HANNA

"They're not even off yet," April smiled. "How are ya? Phil's only just headed upstairs. He'll be a while so you can tell me why your mother hasn't come to the salon lately."

Hanna chuckled. "Wouldn't have a clue, to be honest."

"Weren't you sposed to be in Gnarkill?" April peered. "Bam's car, isn't that right?"

"Yeah, but I'm to take my own car," Hanna shrugged. "Jessie took my place with the camera."

"Ah, well," April tapped her pencil on the list. "She's had an inkling of photography, from what Frantz taught her. She walked out after twenty minutes, of course - but she does work so hard that girl. She worked in a camera shop for a bit, you know. But I suspect they'll be closing down in a couple years; or so Gee says."

"Gee? Katie's boyfriend?"

"That's the one," April nodded. "Jessica's never really got on with her. She's always a bit sour looking. But you never know. It might just be that Jessie's always worked hard and Bam's catapulted to success. Maybe Jessie's always felt she has to best Bam."

"Who knows," Hanna barely covered a belch. "I'm lookin' for my keys."

"They're over by the mail," April pointed. "Don't bother lookin' through it. It's Bam who's gettin' the paychecks, not us, ha."

BAM, TIM O'CONNOR, JASON ELLIS

"You see that guy in the parkin' lot?" Tim crunched his burger, juice running down his chin. "Takin' a long hard look at himself in the mirror I'll bet."

"Why?" Jason stole a fry. "What'd he do?"

"Checkin' out our ride like it's a piece of shit," Tim grinned. "What say you, Bam?"

"It is a piece of shit," Bam added. "Don't laugh. We gotta get all this on camera first."

"Where's your sister gone?" Jason slurped his drink. "To make more room?"

Bam nodded. "Careful. You hear what I did to Hanna on prom night?"

"Yeah, we've all heard the story," Tim smiled. "You barely got 'im."

"I'm serious," Bam raised his eyebrows. "She's all for studyin' and shit. Who needs that when I've got my own show?"

"What's she doin' with her life?" Jason asked. "You know, just curious."

"I dunno," Bam sat back in his chair. "Her and Jenn talk more than I do. She used to do some sewing shit - so I cut them up into little pieces and hid them over her room."

"What a bastard," Jason grinned. "Score of a brother you are."

"I'm payin' the bills," Bam raised his eyebrows. "She's gotta get in line like everyone else if she wants to come on these trips."

"That's no brotherly love," Tim pointed with one finger, clutching his drink. "C'mon, make peace not war."

"She's not fallin' for it," Bam shrugged. "Everyone else wants to have a good time, 'cept her."

"That's not a crime, dude," Tim looked to Jason. "What?"

"I see how you look at her," Jason grinned. "I give it a month before you start skateboarding in this borough more often."

"Dude, I'm off to Cambodia for Habitat," Tim set his drink down. "I've got chicks all over me; don't you worry."

KATIE & RYAN GEE

"You see this, babe?" Gee folded his arms. "This is prime stuff."

"Then why aren't you filming it?" Katie frowned. "All I see is Frantz and the production company. Look at the waste. How much was that piano when they bought it?"

"Who cares?" Gee shook his head. "At least we're getting rid of Policia."

"They're all shit cars," Katie tapped her foot. "Tell me we're gettin' something decent for dinner. I wanted pizza but April isn't even making anything."

"For this crowd?" Gee watched. "How many are there? You count. You tell me."

"Sometimes I forget how long we've been together - "

"Since high school."

"You know what I mean," Katie tugged her scarf tighter. "I need to go shopping if we're gonna be standing out in the cold night after night. You know, just lookin' at them, I'm sure we never looked that much in love as they do."

"Gee, thanks. Bam's doin' alright."

"Bam? No," Katie shook her head. "Look. Over there. Seth and his wife. Perhaps they're still in their honeymoon stage."

Gee chuckled. "I know his wife; that's not her. That's his girlfriend. Now hold my hand and let's look surprised when this crane drops this piece of shit."

Katie frowned.

"God, listen to them all. It was just a piano," Katie rubbed her arms. "Let's go inside. And look, do you see Jessica? She's out with them all."

"You've gotta stop gossiping," Gee rubbed her back. "If you wanna be her friend, just speak up. How do ya think I got along with Bam so long?"

"Oh, I hate her," Katie said miserably. "She thinks just 'cos she's a Margera she has everything."

"Hey, the Margeras weren't shit till Bam and Jess made them something special," Gee raised his eyebrows. "You knew him back in the day. Perhaps you'd prefer if they made a show about your life? A talk show?"

"Ryan," Katie fumed. "You know that is entirely the wrong thing to say. What's made you so brave?"

"Maybe I ate a can of spinach. Maybe this fame's goin' to my head. I'm getting paid for this camera work - who knows, maybe I'll be rollin' in the bucks soon."

"Well, when you do," Katie smiled. "You call me up and I'll consider it. I'll consider your fate."