Whatever The F He Wants

Where The F Is Santa?

PART 3 - EVER AFTER

APRIL & MISSY

"Oh, hon," April smiled. "I'm glad you called me over, but you know the production company cleans up their own messes. Surely you must have seen it - well, during Viva la Bam? You were only there near the end? Oh yes, I remember now. It's off camera when Bam calls me to come round with a dustpan and brush, and any number of ingredients to stock the cupboards."

"Like he'd know how to cook," Missy laughed. "I'll boil the jug. Novak left the sugar lid off and he got water in there so I'm afraid it'll have to be just milk, or black."

"Black's fine," April called. "This sofa's comfortable. I'm glad it's broken in."

"Bam jumped on it from the landing," Missy raised her eyebrows. "You see all the flour? And I have to handle Bam's uncle and Mark the Bagger while they make havoc."

"You call him Bam's uncle, I call him my brother," April chuckled. "No, it's fine. Phil has his fair share of oddities from his side of the tree; Matt's alright, but did you hear that story?"

"Oh, yes. You mean the one about the woman in the trailer park?"

"Well, yes. And I shouldn't gossip - he's not here, is he? Good. Well, anyway, he tells me that he slept with some woman who owned a trailer park. Likely she was just renting, but you get the picture. She shows up at his place the next morning. Turns out she'd brought her children along and everything!"

"Well, that's something," Missy giggled. "I shouldn't laugh, but it's more something I'd picture Vito doin'."

"Oh, I could tell you anything you wanted to know about Vito, and none of it I want kept in my memory," April shook her head. "The first that comes to mind is when you house sat this place when he went to Europe, for Viva la Bam? Anyway, we went to Munich. And we sat outside this beer tent, we're havin' a lovely time, and Frantz stands up, and what do you know? Who was sitting opposite him? Vito."

"Vito, yeah?" Missy pressed. "What's the catch?"

"Well Vito hadn't stood up to use the bathroom, until we realised he'd been... going under the table!"

"No!"

"Yes," April nodded. "Frantz stunk all the way to the hotel, and then some. He's a pig. I'm not surprised what's happened to him."

"I know it was a bit awkward during our wedding... "

"Pay it no mind," April held up a hand. "This is a nice place, though. It needs some sprucing. Did I tell you when Bam first moved in, I painted all along the fireplace there, some lovely potted plants. Took me hours. And then, well, you know the story... you're lookin' at it, ha. Medieval purple goth. That kid's wild, I don't care to say it but, I'm glad he's off my hands at last."

PHIL & TIM O'CONNOR

"Good of ya to stop by," Phil shook Tim's hand. "Is Jessie about?"

"She's workin'," Tim shrugged. "That gal. Always on the job."

"You'll have a future to save up for, you know," Phil opened the fridge. "I have a beer, if you want one? Ape doesn't really like 'em."

"Ah, thanks. That's better. I'm visiting for this thing Bam's got goin' on when he comes back to Westchester."

"Ape told me about that," Phil frowned. "Some band Bam signed is playing?"

"I'm just one of a list," Tim whistled. "Skaters to show off for the camera."

"How's all that going?" Phil took a seat. "Take a load off."

"Thanks. It's not too bad. Last time I went on tour, they took us to Sydney. Me and the boys got a good look round at all the sights. Time before that, we took a van round New York scoping places. Worst I've ever been in behind some dumpster at a K-Mart. Course, Danny Garcia, my main man, gets the worst of my tour farts."

"You'll know I'm only askin' for Jessie... "

"Eh, I do, Phil. She'll be well looked after, whether she goes into designing or horse riding or whatever. I won't do skateboarding all my life, though."

"Why's that? Bam makes a killer from it, or at least he did, when he was doing it full time. He's not come up with another show yet, but he's got deals and sponsorships."

"I hear that. Nah, I reckon something I'll get into is stand up comedy. You'll laugh, Phil, and not at my jokes. But there's a lot more to it than just talkin' to a crowd, ya know? And whenever I emcee for Tampa Am, it's just amateurs impressing their girlfriends and guys who wanna fight me."

"Why do they wanna fight? They've not nothing else goin' on in their lives, is that it? Or envy?"

"Who knows, they're a sad bunch who'll never amount to anything," Tim shrugged. "Speaking of, I better gap it. Bam's out there filmin' and I've gotta put my ass to work to impress your lovely daughter."

"She'll be alright," Phil smiled. "Here, I'll walk you out. Yeah, I'll take that, there's a recycling bin out back."

KATIE & SELINA

"So good to see you," Katie air kissed. "It's been a while."

"Well, it has," Selina smiled. "Oh, let me just say goodbye to Seth. I thought he was leaving. I think we're all gathering at the barn. Missy's bought Bam a tour bus, isn't that crazy?"

"There's a lot that's crazy," Katie frowned. "I feel like I've been left out of the loop."

"Oh sweetie, not at all," Selina squeezed Katie's arm. "Gee's been part of Bam's circle forever. And you two are still going strong, right?"

"Yes, we've been married a couple years now," Katie watched Selina. "Going strong. No breaks. It's tough work, keeping a marriage together."

"Sorry, I didn't hear that. I think they're calling us in, too."

"Never mind," Katie sniffed. "So, Missy's to rein Bam in, is she? Good luck to her."

"You know, Katie. We have to think positive," Selina nodded. "Bam is making the best of the situation. I'm sure he has a past, and hangups like the rest of us. But forgiveness is necessary to move on. I'm sure you won't take any of what I've just said personally, mind."

"Oh, no," Katie folded her arms. "Do you see the band? I've heard them play before. I suppose they'll amplify it. I've always hated loud noise. Yes, Gee's always telling me. I have a pair of earplugs on my bedside table, to help with all his snoring."