Whatever The F He Wants

Viva la Europe - Paris

DUNN & RAAB

"Man, this weather. I didn't expect it to be this bad when we drove out from Westchester," Raab complained.

"Stop your blathering and grab my suitcase. We're not supposed to stop in this - thank you. Yeah, I'd tip ya, but my wallet's inside. C'mon. There'll be somewhere to sit up in the airport lounge."

"You think Bam's paid us for first class?" Raab wiped his nose. "Man, that's better. Feel how warm it is inside here. Where's the john? I wanna take a piss before we have to get onboard."

"Relax," Dunn gestured. "Just follow his burgundy blazer. It's easy to make out in this crowd."

"Not with all those departures," Raab pointed. "Look at all o' em! They're coming into Philly and we're going to Paris! Think o' that!"

"I'll try," Dunn added dryly. "The toilet's over there. Go find a hookup if you're horny - ah, don't touch me! I'm going to that kiosk to buy a pack."

BAM & FRANTZ

"They don't take it seriously," Frantz buckled his seat. "Only water, thanks. I've brought a Maxxum for this trip. You'll say it's old hat, but the range - "

"Oh, jeez," Bam lay back in his seat. "Shut up, Frantz. It's only chance that's got us sitting next to each other. You see that stewardess? I wish we didn't bring Jenn."

"I hope you tell her everything," Frantz narrowed his eyes. "Sheesh, if I had a girlfriend, I'd hold onto her. It's been months... "

"I bet it has, with that attitude," Bam opened an eye. "Listen here. We've got a long ass flight to Paris ahead of us. I want something to help me sleep, then you wake me when we get there. We've got loads o' filming and if it means you shut your trap while you're doing it, then all the better."

JENN & APRIL

"Are we waitin' on Jessie?" April checked her watch. "But look at these gardens. And she said you went inside Hermes? Oh, I love their scarves."

"Too pricey to touch," Jenn laughed. "You should have seen the man behind the desk. His nose was big enough for us to sit under."

"You wouldn't want shade out here," April fanned herself. "And look, there's tourists like us. No, I can tell because of the cameras round their neck. And somewhere, Frantz is having a good time filming Bam. What are you two up to for the rest of the day?"

"We went to a cafe and had some baguettes for lunch," Jenn raised her eyebrows. "I've never been to Europe. I have to say, this is one of the best experiences of my life. And I have to say thanks to your son."

"Oh, here's Jessie," April waved. "Make sure you two make the most of it. I know how hard you two work. After this, it's back to the real world. Who knows when Bam might do another trip on this scale? Jessie, we've been waitin'... "

DUNN & BAM

"He settled in?" Dunn glanced up. "Here, take a seat. It's chilly out here, glad you brought your coat."

"Still hurts," Bam flexed his throat. "Vito does a mean chokehold. You can hear him going up in the elevator. Whose beer is this?"

"Tim's," Dunn lit up another cigarette. "He and your sister went to some bodega."

"There aren't any bodegas in Paris," Bam frowned. "Look at us. Did you think it would happen?"

"We don't have to sit outside the hotel if you don't want," Dunn budged. "You look cold. These cast iron chairs might look fancy but they're uncomfortable as fuck."

"You always care about me," Bam grinned, and Dunn slapped it away. "Y'know, since I got the show I've got loads more friends. And I'd need to be drunker than this to admit it. My close crowd is thinning out. You guys are the only ones I've got left."

"Speaking of," Dunn glanced over his shoulder. "Here they come now. Yeah, I'm sure. That's Tim's skateboard you hear. Are you deaf?"

"What've you two got?" Bam yelled. "I can't hear 'em, can you? They've got some bottled orange juice."

"She did say they brew it fresh on the premises, or so the brochure says," Dunn added. "Y'know, from a little machine."

"Paris isn't all it's cracked up to be," Bam sighed. "I better get some rest. I can't sleep with Jenn in the room. Tell Tim the next beer's on me. And you can ask them when they're gettin' a room."

"Stuff that," Dunn chuckled. "You know how hard she punches. My shoulder's still got a bruise."