Whatever The F He Wants

Hollywood

BAM & MISSY

"Babe, you're on my dress," Missy leaned over for a kiss. "Please stop jiggling your leg. You're makin' me more nervous than ever."

"Why?" Bam sneered. "It's only a premiere. And it's only the second one."

"It's red carpet," Missy checked her purse. "God, I hope I haven't forgotten anything. Your mom's brought a wrap, I should've done that. Remind me to ask your sister what shade of lipstick she's wearing."

"Just go ask her! You feel how hot it is in this limo? God, I need a drink."

"I think I will," Missy paused. "Oh my god. We're here. What - what is Steve-O doing?"

"Are we gettin' out?" Bam asked the driver. "What traffic? What kind of a queue?"

"April, please tell me you see that," Missy glanced around. "Phil? Jessie? Is he doing what I think he is? We're gonna have to hold our dresses. If the wind shifts, we'll all stink of pee."

APRIL & PHIL

"Look at the cameras," April got out of the limo. "Hold my hand, Phil. Smile, blink, repeat. I don't know why a client at the salon said that, but it works. Oh, the smell! He doesn't care a whiff about how it comes out, does he?"

"Steve-O's a madman, just like our son," Phil waved. "Look at the turnout. You see Johnny?"

"Well there's a stable influence," April chuckled. "Jessie, keep up! You'd go crazy living in LA. All those paparazzi stalking you. I guess it's no better than hearing teenagers knock on our door at two in the morning asking where Bam lives, or what the gate code is."

"That reminds me, we gotta get a new mattress," Phil heaved. "I'll crunch the numbers, we'll be alright."

MISSY & KAT VON D

"Love the dress," Kat smiled. "You must be exhausted."

"Already?" Missy smiled. "Well, I hope not. I've heard they blink the lights twice when we're to enter the cinema. But look at this crowd. I'll grab us some champagne."

"It's piss poor," Kat winced. "You'll want to come to the after party. This is just the reception."

"I'll be glad for a smoke," Missy yawned. "I dunno how long I'll stay."

"Do you see who I see?" Kat pointed. "Just over there, talkin' to your fiancee's sister."

"Is that Stifler?"

"You can call him that, but I'm sure he'd prefer Seann," Kat chuckled. "I wonder if he's got any tattoos. I'd like to get him under the needle."

JASON ELLIS & TIM O'CONNOR

"Yo, this is crazy," Tim swigged his beer. "I've never been to an after party before. Look at all the legs on couches and that chandelier! Bam's the real deal."

"I wonder what the movie was like," Jason shrugged. "Figure I'll see it sometime. I'm not too worried. It's only luck we were in the area for the X Games."

"Man, that Jake Brown," Tim shook his head. "I'd never survive a fall like that. And he got up!"

"He's a trooper," Jason nodded. "I hear Danny Way will be goin' next year. Didn't you meet him once?"

"Yeah, at Bam's castle," Tim laughed. "He's round here somewhere."

"He'd better be, it's his movie!"

"And Knoxville's," Tim shook his bottle. "I'm goin' for another. You want one?"

"Thanks. Ah, that's better," Jason pointed. "That's his fiancee, isn't it?"

"Yeah, that's Missy. You should've brought Lisa."

"She's at the hospital with her mom, things aren't looking too good," Jason stared at her feet. "They're big on religion, so the whole holding hands, kumbaya thing. I dig it, she's cool. I'm thinking of popping the question."

"No way!"

"Oh, yeah," Jason grinned. "You gotta think serious sometime. How 'bout you and Jessie?"

"Dude, it's only been a couple years. Gimme a bit of space."

"You've met her parents and her crazy brother," Jason raised his eyebrows. "How much longer you gonna let her hang? She met your 'fandamily' yet?

"Nah, not yet," Tim belched. "She's seen my place in Jersey but we haven't made it official. She's busy with work and I've got my career, ya know. It's all taken care of."

"You better lock her down," Jason fist pumped. "She's a sweet girl, and you can tell she wants to go places. I heard from Bam she used to date Danny Way?"

"That's bull," Tim shook his head. "He was just polite. We've discussed it."

"And you? You're keeping your revolver in the holster?"

"What sorta lingo they teach you Down Under? Yeah, I've got my chastity belt strapped tight. Don't tell her I said that. You know how hard she punches. And me? I'll let her roam my valleys."

"Dude, that sounds weird," Jason frowned. "Don't say that."