Whatever The F He Wants

Christmas

PHIL & HANNA

"What's happenin' there?" Hanna fisted his chest and covered his mouth. "Sorry. Late night."

"Bam's pulling down a tree for Christmas," Phil shielded his eyes. "Dunno why it has to be from our backyard."

"Mom kills me if I don't mow the lawn on time," Hanna folded his arms. "Listen to that crash. They towin' it? There'll be pine needles up and down the street."

"You comin' to the wedding?" Phil waved to a couple. "That reminds me, I've got some of their post. Spose I've gotta start somewhere getting on the neighbor's good side again. They probably threw a party back when Bam first moved to the castle."

"You Margeras are always high in our eyes, Phil," Hanna grinned. "I've got fond memories of this place from back in high school."

"Oh, boy," Phil raised his eyebrows. "There's Ape. I better go in."

APRIL & MISSY

"I've been wracking my brain but no ideas," Missy shrugged. "Thanks for doing this, Ape."

"Well, off camera there's a lot more I can tell ya," April chuckled. "For starters, one of these dishes work better. And you have to set the oven dial - no! Just a little lower. You want to prep it first. And don't do what my Jessie did and forget the oven gloves. It was only one time, mind you, but Bam gave her a hard time over it."

"Where is she?"

"Oh, I've gone through this meal with her. She prefers takeout, I'm sure all you young folk do nowadays. Just ring a number and your food arrives! Well, call me old fashioned."

"That's the camera crew," Missy raised her eyebrows. "Let's go over the script one more time. I'm dyin' for a manicure after this. You're welcome to come with?"

NOVAK & BAM

"Dude, look at 'em lining the streets," Novak chuckled. "They're all here for you. Man, this horse stinks. You ever think this would happen?"

"Yeah," Bam grinned. "You can read me like a book. You know I don't care 'bout these idiots. Half of them would throw stones if they got the chance."

"You keep destroying the neighborhood," Novak laughed. "We may as well be in a zoo. Flinging shit at each other, for God's sake."

"Now that's an idea," Bam lifted a finger. "Hold the reins."

APRIL & TIM O'CONNOR

"Tim! What are you doing here?" April lit up. "Phil! They're back. Oh, where's Jessie?"

"She's unpackin'. C'mere and give me a hug. Oh yeah, Phil, what's happenin'?"

"Good to see ya," Phil nodded. "Jessie? Oh, right. Well, come on in. We missed her, but we've saved lots of leftovers."

"Some leftovers," April rolled her eyes. "So, tell us! How was it bringing her to meet your family at this time of year?"

"Oh, it was great," Tim raised his eyebrows. "Plenty of eggnog. She joined in on my mom's caroling, they gave us a night to break out the beer. She smiled, she laughed, she's a real hoot, Phil."

"And thank me," April chuckled. "It's partly because of me she's so well brought up. Her grandma - my mom - had a hand, too. You know she used to do cross stitching?"

"I saw her with one of those, what do you call it? Asked her if she wanted to go back in the medieval times."

"Hey, it's a thing nowadays. Right, Phil? And I subscribe to a magazine which gives you a new pattern every month."

"Well, hey - oh, there she is - I better help unpack. I figure she's had to meet my folks, she'll be exhausted enough as it is."

"Phil, put the kettle on," April waved. "And I'll get Jessie's present. Oh, I hope she's hungry... and don't touch the pecan pie! It was hard enough gettin' it out of Vito's hands the other night."