Homeward Bound Part One: An Unexpected Journey

Chapter Forty-Five

Kili almost walked right past her.

The camp was in chaos as word of the approaching orc army spread. Humans and elves rushed about gathering weapons and forming strategies, all petty fights over gold or stung pride forgotten. Kili glanced briefly at Erebor looming over them and wondered if anyone had thought to send word to his Uncle. Would it be enough to snap him out of his madness?

A chill breeze darted past him and he scowled. The dress Bilba was wearing wasn't anywhere near what she needed to fight against the weather. Overhead the dark clouds hung thick, darker than anything he'd seen. Bursts of early winter rain, carried by the wind, splattered against his face on occasion, promising the weather would only get worse.

A pile of crates and other supplies drew his attention and he felt a surge of relief as he saw Bilba sitting on the top of a box. Her arms were wrapped around her legs, which were drawn up with the skirt of the dress pulled down over her feet.

He thought she'd simply pulled her hair back at first. Then, as he drew nearer, he saw the short, haphazard strands, cut in jagged, uneven swathes as though done with a dull knife.

The realization she'd cut off her hair hit him like a physical blow. In dwarven culture losing your beard or hair was the highest dishonor. To do it to yourself, however, indicated a feeling of profound shame to the extent you no longer felt worthy of being considered a member of your own race.

He swallowed down a suddenly dry throat and headed over, wishing desperately as he did that Fili had come with him and hadn't, instead, elected to stay behind and yell at Thranduil some more. As he drew nearer he noticed the pale cast to her skin, the way she hugged herself close, fingers digging into the fabric of her dress. Kili cursed mentally and pulled off the long coat he'd found in the Treasury. He should have given it to her as soon as they'd left the mountain, he berated himself mentally. No doubt Fili, or Uncle in his right mind, would have done so long ago.

She started when he draped the coat over her shoulders, her eyes tearing away from whatever she'd been looking at. Then she gave him a weak smile and slid her arms into the sleeves, pulling the coat around her. Kili sat next to her as she did, helping her arrange it to her liking. Once it was on, to his surprise, she wrapped both arms around his bicep, pulled herself tight against his side and promptly sagged as if all her energy had fled. Her eyes drifted off to the left again though Kili couldn't see anything in that direction worth looking at aside from Erebor.

They sat in silence. Around them the camp was still in chaos. Overhead bad weather threatened but, right there and then, it seemed as if they sat in a small oasis of peace, separated from the insanity the rest of the world had fallen into.

"So, uh--" Kili started finally. "You cut your hair." He winced as soon as the words left his mouth. Good job, Kili, he mentally lamented, that was well said. No wonder Uncle and Fili always do the talking.

"It was in the way," Bilba said. She gave him a rueful look. "It was part of my new outlook on life, right up until I walked out and discovered an army of orcs was marching on us."

She leaned against him with a sigh, her eyes drifting away again.

The quiet dragged on once more as Kili struggled with what else to say. He was used to having Fili or Uncle by his side. Back home they were always the ones dealing with the day to day problems. They would work out alliances, deal with squabbles and make sure there was enough food for the long winter. Often they would be gone for months at a time to find work while Kili was left behind with his mother, too young to go with them.

Convincing Uncle to let him go on this quest had been huge. A way to prove he wasn't just the baby. He was an adult in his own right, capable of making his own choices and decisions.