Homeward Bound Part One: An Unexpected Journey

Chapter Forty-One

Thorin wasn't sure if his heart rate would ever return to normal.

It had stuttered and gone completely out of control the second he'd awoken to find Bilba and his idiot nephew missing.

He didn't have to ask where they were.

If Bilba got through this he was attaching bells to her so she'd never be able to sneak away from him again.

For Kili, he'd just inform Dis about her son's recklessness.

If they both survived, his traitorous mind whispered. If they didn't Dis would kill him.

He would let her.

His heart did not return to normal as, without a word, the Company geared up and headed into the tunnels.

It did not resume its old patterns as he stalked down the tunnels, his breath catching in his throat, hands clenching and unclenching uselessly at his side and his mind conjuring images of their charred/mutilated/torn apart/dead/dead/always dead bodies.

He'd never told her he loved her.

The thought nearly brought him to a stop in the middle of the corridor. As it was his footsteps staggered for a split second and he was nearly run over by Dwalin who simply grunted and propelled him forward, one hand resting for an instant between his shoulder blades.

Thorin spiraled back through his memories in desperation, searching. Had he truly never told her? He'd certainly SHOWN her, of that there was no doubt. He'd given her his family ring, put a courting braid and bead in her hair and made their position quite clear to the rest of the Company.

But, try as he might, he couldn't recall ever actually stating the words.

Not once.

Cold settled in the very marrow of his bones and he increased his steps. His heart continued its staccato beat in his chest.

It didn't improve when he heard the unmistakable sound of a dragon roaring in rage. By that time he'd broken into a run, barely aware, or even caring, if anyone followed.

He burst out of the door just as a vibration rocked the stone, nearly driving him to his knees. He caught a brief glimpse of Kili, holding something in one hand, vanishing over the edge of the ledge. Movement darted past and then Fili was diving after him.

Thorin turned his attention away from them, just in time to see Bilba fall and an ocean of fire bearing down on her.

He barely managed to save her in time and then it was running and hiding and trying desperately not to get slaughtered.

And, even then, his heart did not settle.

And while he wanted to hold her and tell her how afraid he'd been and speak the words he'd held back so long, he instead fell back into old habits and found himself yelling and she yelled back because that was who she was and part of why he loved her and STILL his heart showed no sign of recovering from the wound it had suffered upon waking and finding the two of them gone.

Fear of not knowing the fate of his One and his nephew.

Pain from knowing neither had trusted him.

He was not his grandfather or his father. He would not fall as they had. He would not put his own wants and needs ahead of those of his people.

Bilba and Kili should have trusted him.

Beside him, Bilba stumbled over a loose rock on the floor. She staggered forward and Thorin caught her around the waist, steadying her.